Some memes

allow circumstances and addiction to dictate my every move. i can forgive others and i do not have to allow myself to dwell in the house of pain, when i volunteer to form a resentment. i have never been one to quickly forgive any sort of slight, and have loved to polish them into well defined, nuggets of hate and resentment. needless to say, when i arrived in recovery i was a seething mass of resentments, rage and unbridled anger. i was far from ready to let go of that person, but time in recovery and a few sets of steps, gave me a different outlook. rather than being defined by what others did to me and playing the victim, i was given the desire to be responsible of my life and respond to the what comes my way.
i may still be a bit slow to forgive, even after all these days clean, but i eventually do arrive at a place where i realize that i am giving the object of my ire, far too much power. i have come to a place in my life where i understand what it is i can control and what i cannot. it is often daunting to walk around realizing that i really am not in control of much of anything. what i can “own” is what i do with my feelings after i feel them. sure, people are going to shit on me, get in my way and disrespect me, whether they do it on purpose or not. my task is to let go of “them” and seek a balance between what “they” did and the realization of what harm they actually did to me. most of the time that harm is trivial and i volunteer to make it more painful and worse than it is. today, just for today, i will do what i can to let go, forgive and move on with my life, as i have dwelt in the house of pain and suffering, of my own creation, long enough.

∞ DT ∞