Some memes

my word, i practiced the essence of reliability and built a foundation for integrity. as i sit here this morning, wasting far too much time, rather than getting my stuff in order to go into work, i remember what a flake i once was. reliability, was not my strong suit, although i very rarely showed up late, if i showed up it was almost always early and i often left, without giving someone else the benefit of the doubt. by being early, i could cosplay the victim and feed my story of being oh, so abused. time and gain, those in my life, learned that i could not be depended upon. it is true, that my first service commitment, to a group in another fellowship, that i was never going to make my home group, changed that for the better. my motives were not to become reliable or dependable, they were to look good, blend in and model the ideal “recovering person,” even though i certainly was not. once again another example of behaving my way into better thinking by acting “as-if.”
these days i show up just because it is what i do. i know when i do not show up for my home group, i am missed. i also know that my home group may not survive unless i continue to show up, as we have come perilously close to having to fold for lack of interest, in recent times. i know the fellowship will survive without me and without my home group, but providing a bridge between lean times, keeps our doors open for the still suffering addict, that is seeking someplace different to feel safe. i have no illusions as to my relative importance to the other members of my home group, or the addicts who walk through our doors, but i do know that my effort may make a difference in the here and now. tastes may change, fashion comes in and out of style, but for me, my home group is worth me making the effort to show up regularly and support any and all =who walk through our doors, just for today.

∞ DT ∞