Some memes

to enjoy a sense of wonder wherever i may find it and the desire to do so. a year ago, i was having a less than stellar day, traveling back from Panama, not doing a good job of accepting the overly self-entitled traveling companions for what they were. that old bit about insanity about expecting different results from the same set of starting conditions. when i travel, i like to ease my way through my day, not run at the last minute all helter-skelter and my spouse shared that view of vacation, specifically vacation is a time to relax, recharge and not cram the hours of the day with activities, at a breakneck pace. that trip will likely be our last with that group and i, for one will not be saddened by that, as it has certainly run its course. today, a year later as i prepare to get some stuff done today, i am in a much better space and can forgive all that i was put through on that fateful day a year ago, and move on.
i can state without a doubt that in active addiction, i had medicated away any sense of wonder i might have had. if it was not some form of thrill ride, adrenaline rush, it was almost beneath my notice. as sad as that may sound, it really is not an exaggeration, if anything, it is a minimization of how jaded and shut down i had become. sunsets, sunrises, waterfall, overlooks, and the beauty of nature just were backdrops to getting high and i took no issue with that, as i believed that was how everyone saw the world, once they breached a certain age. the saddest part of all of that, was i spent some time in some of the most incredible, stunning and dramatic canyons in the world and missed enjoying the wonder of where i was, when i was deep in the experience. chalk one up to the joy of getting high versus the joy of being present in an incredible wild place.
in the here and now, i have learned to be a part of my life and present for what is going on. i am grateful that recovery has allowed me to see some incredible places, locally and half a world away. because i want more from my life than watching TV for hours on end, while smoking cigar after cigar, day after day, i have the ability and desire to see the world from the top of Colorado. my life over the past year has taken a few unexpected twists and turns, but i still get to wake-up and smell the high end coffee i have come to enjoy and feel a sense of wonder at being on this side of the lawn, just for today.

∞ DT ∞