Some memes

time and space through extreme highs and lows. oftentimes, it is the calm in the eye of my addict-brain hurricane. this morning, for the first time this week, i am actually concentrating solely on this little exercise and not cramming it in between cajoling AI to conform to my will and getting out of the house. when i woke up this morning, i set a schedule that was more than a bit unrealistic before i realized the only measure of what i get done today, is whether or not i did my best at the task at hand. as i listened to the void, i came away with an understanding that rushing here and there, just to get everything in was not going to serve me well today. between work and fitness, i have barely had a moment to breathe,and in those moments i am pounding away at AI to give me what i want and getting frustrated with the results. my dip into the quiet reset what i wanted to do and when i was going to do it, after all, i am retired and i really have no one i am accountable to or anyplace i “need” to be on any sort of schedule today.
i had to go look up one of the words in my source material today. one of my peers shared about it a few weeks ago and i needed to make sure i understood what equanimity in regards to my internal emotional and spiritual state. i understood it to mean seeking emotional balance by being present, but in my spiritual path there is a bit more to it:

• Presence: Staying grounded in the “here and now” to meet experiences as they arise.
• Inner Focus: Turning inward to find peace, rather than seeking it in external, transient things.
• Spontaneity: Letting intuition guide action, rather than rigid rules or forceful will.
• Simplicity: Detaching from excessive desires and mental clutter that disturb inner peace.

it is not the first time i had to verify that my spiritual and recovery paths aligned. i have doubt it will be the last time. this morning i understand where i may be going and the spontaneity i embraced as i rose from the void, is certainly a symptom of finding a bit of equanimity in my daily routine, at least today.
today i seek calm from my inner storms and the space to breathe and be okay with who i am and where i am going. i also seek the serenity of being okay not seeing all that is ahead of me and allowing my days to flow as they will. my spouse may think i spend too much time in front of my computer and she may not be wrong. here is where i say “but” to minimize her concerns. the time i spend, pounding out whatever hits i may, is my time and is part of who i am, just for today, i will listen to the voices around me, inside and outside of me and see where their guidance takes me.

∞ DT ∞