Some memes

is frequently rooted in discomfort with my own behavior. my dip into the familiarity of the superiority pool over the past few days, is a reaction to my fear of being irrelevant and a non-productive member of society. now that i have accepted that i am a retired guy and that i no longer have to go to work forty hours a week, my identity as a member of my society has taken a huge hit. that realization has been dawning on me over the past few days, and when it finally was ready to break the surface, i became all kinds of indignant at the behaviors of those around me. i mean there really is no excuse for ignorance and i can justify my judging behavior through that sort of lens and even better judge myself superior because i did not tell anyone that perhaps they should stop believing the lie they are being sold and actually start to think for themselves., the first question being, can this really be true? when one lives in a world of “alternate facts” it is easy to believe that the government is poisoning us with dihydrogen monoxide chem trails. 😆
needless to say, i was more than a bit disturbed by the fact that i had merrily tripped my way into a set of behaviors that i thought i had left behind long ago. that realization and the fact that i have to find the ways and means to be a productive member of society, or at least feel as if i am contributing, is probably rooted in this set of steps. what started out quite differently, has now become a journey to rediscover myself and my fit in the world around me. my life over the past year has had more than enough twists and turns in it and although i am still standing, i am more than a bit shocked that i had such an attachment to working a full-time job. there is my budding novel that no one but me will ever read. there is my exploration of the nuances of AI, that i may never share with anyone else. there is my daily fitness and wellness program, that keeps me centered. and there is my part-time job that keeps me engaged with a slice of the world that seems to harbor those who choose not to think for themselves. when all is said and done, i have more than enough to remain a productive member of society. even if it takes a bit more work, to do so.
it is off to the cigar store for an afternoon of doing absolur0tley nothing. i got all that i wanted and needed to do, done this morning, so i deserve a bit of time to just sit and do as little as possible. the meaning of my life? well i am no closer to answering that question than i was when i started this exercise. what i am, however, is less concerned about that answer and defining myself in the boxes that i used to build around who and what i am. it is still a good day to be clean.

∞ DT ∞