Some memes

much more comfortable in an old rut than on a new plateau. today, stepping out of that old rut means allowing myself to actually feel like a retired guy and not rush through my morning, just to get it done. as much as i think that running at nine-thirty in the morning feels indulgent and somehow wrong, it is what happens when one stays in bed until seven AM, which in and of itself feels indulgent. all in all this morning and yesterday have been slip sliding my way to getting out of the house, rather than running helter-skelter and when i consider that as fact, it just feels right. learning to live a life with very few schedules and having to set my own pace and level of activity feels weird. i really do not have a lot of good role models for being the “perfect retired” kind of guy. i see heavy men, who spend their lives watching old movies at work, they complain about health problems and appear to do very little to live a life style that may actually help reduce their complaints. they complain about the world they helped create, as if they are surprised by the consequences of what they. they may provide a role model, as i feel that if i do the opposite of what they do, i will have the sort of life that i aspire to have.
part of stepping out of that old rut, is my attempt to find different sources and seed for my recovery writing in this exercise and to get my day rolling. i am finding less satisfaction with starting my day with the currently fellowship approved daily readings. it is not the topics or the content that is driving my dissatisfaction, it is the fact that i have read them time and again and i have not developed any new takes on the material i read a year ago or over the past couple of decades. i am finding that opening another piece of literature and randomly choosing a passage, provides me with a fresh outlook on my life in recovery. there may be no “advanced” recovery program, but for this addict, changing things up after a minute clean, feels like a new plateau. if i want to stay clean and keep growing, i will need to find the ways and means to keep my recovery journey fresh and meaningful to me, in the here and now.
i do have an errand to attend to before i get rolling off to work, so as the morning disappears under the steady march of time, i will need to figure out, how to wrap this up. my life is so different than it was a year ago and yet i am still clean. the truth is, i am not at all upset about attempting to define a life within my spiritual structure that fits me emotionally and physically. my hope is that i continue to have the desire to live well, be as healthy as i can be and to keep my mind active, even if it means writing silly novels that no one but me will ever read, just for today.

∞ DT ∞