๐ฏ practicing selflessness ๐ฏ
Posted: Sat, Feb 14, 2026 08:06:36 AM
gives me relief from self-obsession. i have to admit, that i once believed that selflessness meant that i needed to be a doormat. i thought since self-obsession was a bad thing, i had to behave in the exact opposite and do whatever was asked or expected of me, no matter what. i quickly became more than a bit resentful at the world around me and all the stuff they piled upon my shoulders. it took me a minute or so to see that selflessness expressed in that manner was just another manifestation of self-centered self-obsession. a bit of step work and a bit of actual experience in walking this spiritual path, taught me that i had to remain true to myself if i truly desired freedom from self-obsession.
i have said it more than once in the past, that i have peers in recovery who take on newcomers as “projects,” to feel better about themselves. for me, that would be self-obsession turned outwards. i reach out to newcomers and i sponsor newcomers and many of those men are still around and living a program of recovery. for me, comparing my life to those around me, even when i “win, seems to be yet another form of self-obsession. i have been down that route more than once the past few days and i am starting to get a clue or two about why. having v=come to a point where i accept my life as a retired guy and having to live a bit less grand, dropped me into a pit of self-obsession, in which i acted out, judging the shit out of every one and comparing myself to the “losers” who crossed my path. guess what? i did not feel any better and in fact felt all sorts of shame over dropping into an ancient and very familiar behavior. this morning i can see that i do accept my life and that turning off my gig job and the job boards was not a bad thing to do. it gives me the opportunity to make the sort of life i desire, even if it requires a bit less spending and a bit more diligence in marshaling my resources. i can live a good life. i can stay clean and most importantly of all, i can walk through this day, without having to assuage my itsy bitsy fragile snowflake ego. i am okay, just as i am, just for today.
i have said it more than once in the past, that i have peers in recovery who take on newcomers as “projects,” to feel better about themselves. for me, that would be self-obsession turned outwards. i reach out to newcomers and i sponsor newcomers and many of those men are still around and living a program of recovery. for me, comparing my life to those around me, even when i “win, seems to be yet another form of self-obsession. i have been down that route more than once the past few days and i am starting to get a clue or two about why. having v=come to a point where i accept my life as a retired guy and having to live a bit less grand, dropped me into a pit of self-obsession, in which i acted out, judging the shit out of every one and comparing myself to the “losers” who crossed my path. guess what? i did not feel any better and in fact felt all sorts of shame over dropping into an ancient and very familiar behavior. this morning i can see that i do accept my life and that turning off my gig job and the job boards was not a bad thing to do. it gives me the opportunity to make the sort of life i desire, even if it requires a bit less spending and a bit more diligence in marshaling my resources. i can live a good life. i can stay clean and most importantly of all, i can walk through this day, without having to assuage my itsy bitsy fragile snowflake ego. i am okay, just as i am, just for today.
∞ DT ∞