๐ฅ i was not thinking ๐ฅ
Posted: Sat, Jul 18, 2026 01:55:19 PM
of my personal and spiritual development as i dragged my butt into my first meeting! no i was looking for my stay out of prison card. vulnerability was for the weak and feeble. i was sure that vulnerability would end up hurting, so when i first encountered that notion, i would say without any qualification, i was adamantly opposed to it. it might be alright for the others, but not me NO Sir! No Way!
I have to admit i was so freaking wrong! without vulnerability, i am quite sure i would have never accumulated this much clean tome and the measure of recovery i find daily in my life. once i finally got the clue that there were no forces out to get me in the fellowship and got over my self-centered paranoia, i realized that if i wanted any sort of decent recovery, i was going to have to reveal myself to those around me. there was no sudden unfolding and total reveals, as i was still far too sick for that to happen, in fact i am often envious of those who have less time in recovery, opening up much quicker than i ever did. i have to give them credit and accept that they too, had to reach the same place i did, they just did it faster.
today, i know that being vulnerable, may lead to pain and suffering. today i also know the only way to receive the guidance and help i need to survive, grow and thrive is based on how vulnerable i am willing to be. i still may not tell every single one of my peers, every single thing i have inside, but i do have a sponsor, a spouse and closed-mouthed friends that certainly know way more than i used to ever think of revealing. probably everything that i am about these days. i am sure that as time rolls on, more will be revealed but i no longer fear that, nor do i strive to prevent it. an open book may not describe how i live my life, but at least it is no longer sealed shut, locked up and encased in concrete, just for today.
I have to admit i was so freaking wrong! without vulnerability, i am quite sure i would have never accumulated this much clean tome and the measure of recovery i find daily in my life. once i finally got the clue that there were no forces out to get me in the fellowship and got over my self-centered paranoia, i realized that if i wanted any sort of decent recovery, i was going to have to reveal myself to those around me. there was no sudden unfolding and total reveals, as i was still far too sick for that to happen, in fact i am often envious of those who have less time in recovery, opening up much quicker than i ever did. i have to give them credit and accept that they too, had to reach the same place i did, they just did it faster.
today, i know that being vulnerable, may lead to pain and suffering. today i also know the only way to receive the guidance and help i need to survive, grow and thrive is based on how vulnerable i am willing to be. i still may not tell every single one of my peers, every single thing i have inside, but i do have a sponsor, a spouse and closed-mouthed friends that certainly know way more than i used to ever think of revealing. probably everything that i am about these days. i am sure that as time rolls on, more will be revealed but i no longer fear that, nor do i strive to prevent it. an open book may not describe how i live my life, but at least it is no longer sealed shut, locked up and encased in concrete, just for today.
∞ DT ∞