Some memes

is to moderate my willingness to serve my fellowship, my peers and the world around me with some humility. when i was much younger in recovery is was that service guy. i had a multitude of service positions, some i could do well, and others not so much. skill was never the issue with me, it was all about looking good and building my self-esteem through the praise and respect from my peers. it kept me going and i got what oi thought i needed and it was not until i was fifteen years clean, right about the time i accepted my spiritual path, where i realized that maybe, just maybe i could build self-esteem without seeking the approval of others. from that point forward, i learned how to temper my willingness to serve with a huge dose of humility.
these days, i still have far to many men who call me their sponsor and i have taken on yet another one for the “traditions” only. i once believed i was not allowed to say no when asked to be a sponsor as “GOD” would never give me too many sponsees. those days are long behind me and yet i have more sponsees than i did when the alteration to my path to self-esteem was made permanent. there are none of them that i would drop by the road side and for many of them i am a S.ponsor I.n N.ame O.nly. that being said, i have come to the conclusion that i have exactly the correct number of men i sponsor and as long as they are not all sick at the same time, i am good. today, i may have a sponsee approaching his FIFTH STEP, but i have done them in the past and will listen to more in future. i will allow him as much of my time as it takes to get through it. i have two sponsees working on their 4TH STEPS and neither one are sprinting through them. the rest are either idling in place or getting ready to do something, none of that is my stuff.
as i prepare to step out into the world and do a whole lot of nothing, i understand that i have constraints on my time and certainly am not any sort of jack-of-all-trades. i can serve my friends by being the commissioner of a fantasy football league. i can serve my neighbors by being the president of the HOA. i can serve my spouse by being present and lending a hand, even if she does not ask me to do so. most importantly i can serve myself by seeing what i have the time and ability to do and politely decline any requests that go beyond those constraints. there is, after all, no lifetime achievement award for serving my peers, my family and the world around me.

∞ DT ∞