Some memes

reason for being here, in the rooms of recovery and that reason is me and my peers. this morning, as i sat and pondered my source material. i really felt that i did have a purpose for doing this recovery gig, day after day, just for today. being the eyes and ears for my peers and providing my limited experience when needed is certainly a noble purpose. there are many times, when i think i need to have an even higher purpose in life and fret and fume about not “feeling it.” not so much this morning, i “get” what my source material was telling me. in fact, even if my highest purpose in life is to be an active participant in my local recovery community, that just may be more than enough.
when i came to recovery, i had an opinions and notions about who i was and what my purpose in life might be. i believed that i was entitled to be something greater than i was and it was only bad luck that kept me from attaining that stature. my self-centered view from the center of the universe created a condition that made me think and feel that i was far less than my potential. of course, that was part of my insanity and the fantasy i created for myself as i lived in a lie designed to keep me from allowing anyone from seeing me as i was. when i finally pulled my head out of my ass and finally exploded that lie, i was left without any identity or notion of what my purpose in life may be. more and more i am content with my station in life and although i am not one of those who believe in divine plans, however, getting my ass sent to the rooms of recovery has been one of the best things that ever happened to me. it has allowed me to be freed from the constraints i put upon myself and became more of the person i always wanted to be. not better that my station in life, but certainly no longer striving to become someone i never was.
this morning as i fight my laptop to update my graphics driver, i have time to consider it somehow i missed the point of the life i lived until now. i have regrets about paths not taken and decisions i did not make, but all of those missteps have led me to this very minute. it i he sum total of all of that, that has given the experience i can share with my peers and how that experience may just be what someone else requires to stay clean one more day. my path to this day has been far from easy or smooth. what i can say, is that it is mine and mine alone. i may just be another garden variety addict in recovery and that is not a bad thing, after all, it provides me the ways and means to have the desire to allow myself the freedom to experience my life in real-time, just for today

∞ DT ∞