Some memes

in one another, seemed a bit confusing to me as the seed to start off my day. i am a bit confused why i had yet to write on this topic, but i need not focus on the what was and bring myself back to the what is. as i get rolling down this path, a couple of things spring up from the abyss. the fist being the interaction i had two nights ago, as a new found closed-mouth friend. the issue was trust and trusting our peers, unconditionally and without any reservations. i reminded him that there really are no “recovery saints” and he may wish to talk to his sponse about this topic, as i am of the opinion that trust is earned and not everyone who walks into the rooms, is trustworthy. i do not know who his sponsor is, but his reply was very close to mine. it is the second time in the past week that i directed him towards his sponsor, as i do not have the desire to be stepping into messes that i need not create.
the second thing that popped off the stack as it were, was how much i am getting from him, in terms of the excitement he feels for his recovery and the gusto he is bringing to his program. i have not felt “excited” about recovery in quite a while. for me, it is my life and hardly is worth celebrating. just writing that makes me feel a bit sad. i am grateful that i do no have the desire to use. i am grateful that i have a life worth living. i take for granted how i got all of this and where i once was. even though i remember my circumstances, the feelings i had way back when have faded into obscurity. perhaps, time is the avenger and as i live more in the here and now, the what was in no longer a weapon to be wielded when the internal judge, jury and executioner kick in. i could argue that physically i am not that same man, as almost ever cell in my body has been replaced. emotionally and spiritually, i am certainly not the addict who was tossed into the rooms kicking, screaming, and scheming to find a way out. i have found a manner of living, by allowing my peers to point me in the correct direction and actually following that direction.
this morning as i come to the end of this road, perhaps i do feel a bit of excitement over the opportunity to live another day clean. deciding to make this a recovery, as in physical recovery, feels like the next right thing to do. i still may go for a hike later this week, but just for today, i am sticking to my guns and allowing my physical self to do a bit of extra healing. it is a good day to listen to my body and apply the principles of the program, to myself as well as to those around me.

∞ DT ∞