Blog entry for:

the less i need to surround myself with others. i begin to find a spirit within me that is my constant companion.
so without a clue as to where i am going this morning i will forge full-speed ahead. i have been up way too long again this morning but in doing so, i saved myself the joy of cleaning up another mess from a nearly sick dog. which brinngs me around to the reading. when i got my dog, i was looking for a bit different relationship, yes i was alone at that time, and even though i was in a house full of people, surrounded by friends in recovery and a loving family, i felt lonely. oh nothing wrist-slashing desperate, just a quiet yearning for something more. so my decision was to buy a companion. although at that time i would have denied that as my motive, looking back through the filter of hindsight, i can see my motives much clearer today. that was not my only reason, but that motive does fit into the reading for today.
so that companion is still part of my life, and as he ages, his cast iron gut is no longer invulnerable to the vagaries of road snacks, and if i do not pay attention (read practice my responsibility to care for him) there are consequences that i have to deal with. dogs are dogs and my dog will eat whatever he can find, whether it is good for him or not.
but i digress, as i have grown in my relationship with my HIGHER POWER, even way back when, i have discovered that being alone is not the same thing as feeling lonely. fur me, loneliness is seated in fear and expectations. fear that i will always be alone, which is not the case anymore, and the expectation that having people in my life will fill me something more. and it does, but their presence is not enough for me to not feel lonely. only the knowledge and acceptance of myself and my FAITH in a caring HIGHER POWER removes the feeling of loneliness from my life. those gifts have been presented more than once to me, and most of the time i accept them willingly, however there are days when i want to dwell in self-pity and moodiness and on those days i feel lonely once more. so today i am remembering what it is like to feel lonely and be grateful for the people who choose to allow me to be part of their lives.

∞ DT ∞