β am i honestly in touch with myself, my actions, and my motives? β
Posted: Sun, Aug 26, 2007 09:33:12 AM
Step Ten is a maintenance step of my recovery program, and helps me to continue living comfortably in recovery.
an interesting question to ask myself as i look over my actions and behaviors across the course of my waking moments. the answer is often painful, especially in the times i have been acting out on sheer self-will, which happens more than i care to admit, even though i am "religious" about living steps ten and eleven. the problem with this addict, is that even though i pay lip service to living step three, the human condition creeps in over the course of my day. i feel entitled to something, or i build an expectation or three, or i begin to believe that somehow i am so different and F*CKING unique, that none of this spiritual hocus-pocus applies to me.
so then being religious about my tenth step, i get smacked upside my head with a reminder of how i acted, felt and behaved.
there are two paths i can follow at this point. the easiest path is to allow the part of me i call my addict to use this as evidence of how bad and evil i really am, to further the argument that i am hopeless, and why should i even bother anymore. that path ;leads to using, of that i am certain.
or i can take the much more difficult road, of forgiving myself, developing a plan to admit that i am wrong, repair the damage i did, and pray for my HIGHER POWER to make the changes needed to eliminate the need to behave in this manner.
so anyhow, time to move ahead and pratice a bit of responsibility, life awaits me.
an interesting question to ask myself as i look over my actions and behaviors across the course of my waking moments. the answer is often painful, especially in the times i have been acting out on sheer self-will, which happens more than i care to admit, even though i am "religious" about living steps ten and eleven. the problem with this addict, is that even though i pay lip service to living step three, the human condition creeps in over the course of my day. i feel entitled to something, or i build an expectation or three, or i begin to believe that somehow i am so different and F*CKING unique, that none of this spiritual hocus-pocus applies to me.
so then being religious about my tenth step, i get smacked upside my head with a reminder of how i acted, felt and behaved.
there are two paths i can follow at this point. the easiest path is to allow the part of me i call my addict to use this as evidence of how bad and evil i really am, to further the argument that i am hopeless, and why should i even bother anymore. that path ;leads to using, of that i am certain.
or i can take the much more difficult road, of forgiving myself, developing a plan to admit that i am wrong, repair the damage i did, and pray for my HIGHER POWER to make the changes needed to eliminate the need to behave in this manner.
so anyhow, time to move ahead and pratice a bit of responsibility, life awaits me.
∞ DT ∞