ฮผ it has been said that recovery is simple -- all i have got to change is everything! ฮผ
Posted: Tue, Aug 19, 2008 09:37:47 AM
slowly but surely, i will find myself making progress, visibly drawing closer each day to becoming the kind of person i have always wanted to be. and boy some of those changes are so profound and unexpected, that i find myself in a new place without ever realizing i left the old one. part of that has been happening lately, as i have waiting for a new set of dreams to clarify and enter into my conscious mind. i am not talking about the dreams i have each and every night when i am struck down with sleep, although that cycle has been particularly active lately, in fact, i have started to consider active dreaming again, but that is a digression. no the dreams i am talking about are those things that i would love to accomplish or do before i move on. on a service level, those have been clarified, and although i have been acting on these for quite a bit of time, it is only in the last six weeks that i have become aware of what they were and finally accepting them as mine. life dreams are a bit different, those have yet to come into focus, one that i am certain of is a trip to Spain next summer, and i am actively pursuing that by saving a little bit of change every single week.
so those are the active changes happening in my life today, and honestly when i was told i had to change everything way back when, i dismissed it as hyperbole, just another one of those clichés they spouted to scare off the dilettante newcomer. these days i hear the same words coming from my mouth, as it was my experience that change, fundamental change in every area in my life was what was required especially once i accepted that my addiction was not only a part of me but permeated throughout my entire being, affecting how i acted, reacted and lived. and as i grow farther away from the last day i used, the desire to change builds momentum within me, and i am more accepting of having to change. that does not, by any means, mean that i accept change without a fight, that has yet to come to pass, but i can keep coming back and perhaps that too will change!
so those are the active changes happening in my life today, and honestly when i was told i had to change everything way back when, i dismissed it as hyperbole, just another one of those clichés they spouted to scare off the dilettante newcomer. these days i hear the same words coming from my mouth, as it was my experience that change, fundamental change in every area in my life was what was required especially once i accepted that my addiction was not only a part of me but permeated throughout my entire being, affecting how i acted, reacted and lived. and as i grow farther away from the last day i used, the desire to change builds momentum within me, and i am more accepting of having to change. that does not, by any means, mean that i accept change without a fight, that has yet to come to pass, but i can keep coming back and perhaps that too will change!
∞ DT ∞