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of person, my dawg thinks i am, is quite a journey and has spanned three different dogs. the three hundred and sixty-six days that have elapsed since the last time i wrote on this topic, have been very interesting, in the Chinese curse sense, even if that is an very ancient urban myth. i could go through the litany of the life on its own terms stuff that has transpired, but if one reads this little mind dumpery with any regularity, that has already been revealed. what i am left with, as i sit here, is a whole lot of new stuff: personally, career-wise, spiritually and emotionally. destroying the anchor of the lie that defined me for so long ia allowing me to set a new course and that course is far from being charted. i am going on blind faith for the first time in my life and as scary and exciting as that may be, for this addict, that is the height of being very, very, very uncomfortable. if someone had told me way back when, that part of the everything i would have to change, included my identity, i might have cut out and ran, very fast and very far away from anything resembling the recovery process.
this morning as i destroy the work i accomplished over the past few years at my current job, to comply with the request of my former client, i really am struck about how temporary and fleeting this whole gig has been. the only constant has been my trip through the recovery process that has allowed me to have any sort of career, instead of a seemingly random series of jobs. i knew that what i did for a living was never going to last the “ages” like the parts and pieces of the site i just visited in Greece. i am still a bit sad that my parting shot to my current employer is to drop everything i have done into the bit bucket and walk away. it is what it is, and if i did not feel a bit of sadness at destroying the work i have done, perhaps i really could say i am not any better than when i came to recovery.
the work on myself as a person however, may not last the ages either, but it will sustain me until i shuffle off this mortal coil. in dawg years, it has been the better part of a century and i can truly say that the dawgs i have loved over the course of my recovery, got to see a person that more closely matched their vision than ever before. Daisy Dawg is suffering from kennel cough and i am powerless to relieve her suffering, except by giving her the medications she was prescribed and encouraging her to lay down and do nothing, even though she needs to always be a “part” of everything. each time she coughs, i feel her pain and if i could take it away, i would do so in a heartbeat. for me, that is a sign of growth into the sort of person i never dreamed of being and just for today, i will work on moving forward into her version of who i am.

∞ DT ∞