Blog entry for:

means any addict can stop using drugs, lose the desire to use, and find a new way to live. although, some days i truly wonder if that is really the case, as one addict that i have been intimately involved with, over the past few days, is spinning down the drain, quickly and i am about to throw some gasoline on that particular fire. there is no “constitutionally incapable” loophole in the fellowship that is my way forward. the fact that in other places that is an acceptable out, was part of the reason i am where i am, as i would have found myself relying on that particular phrase. i know my friend is failing badly, realizes he is failing badly and is looking for the way out, and his choices are making it even worse. i am, however, powerless over him and the direction he wants his life to take and on Monday, i may get to walk away from this train-wreck and wonder if he is going to ever make the changes he needs to make to thrive or survive. as i have heard it said, this is not my monkey and i will not be part of this circus anymore.
for me, i happen to like a fellowship where there is diversity, as i am not scared by the wacko theories of some of the talking head pundits that pollute the “news” these days. i know i have benefited from white male privilege and although i am loathe to give it up, i am okay with others getting their chance to live well. i am also not put off by those who come to recovery that look, think or act differently than i do. i am an adherent of a the tent is more than large enough for all of us. being as socially retarded as i am, i sometimes come off as aloof, because i do not engage very well. as a result, i can be one of the “spookiest” guys in a meeting. just for today, i will go take care of what i have agreed to do and clean-up my side of any shit i have left in my wake. i know that i can be one judgemental fVck, and as i walk through this day, i HOPE to put that aside and be okay with everyone i happen to run across as i go through the rest of my day.

∞ DT ∞