โ in the course of working the steps, i make a personal decision โ
Posted: Sat, May 16, 2009 08:28:27 AM
...to allow a loving Higher Power to direct me. that guidance is always available, often, it is manifest in an inner wisdom i call my conscience.
as i sit here this morning trying to catch-up on everything i need to have done by 11 AM this morning, i am feeling a sense of, well, um, i do not quite know. yes there is a bit of urgency in my actions this morning, but i am not overwhelmed by the need to rush off and do something rash or hasty. yes there is a bit of regret in that i did not complete these tasks last night, but as i tired, i was making more mistakes than forward progress. most of all there is a calm certainty, that if i just keep moving, i will have everything done, on time, in good working order and with no regrets.
is this wishful thinking, or is it perhaps a bit of knowledge of the will of that HIGHER POWER, that i am comfortable calling GOD today? i dunno, nor am i going to spend hundreds of words trying to puzzle it out. this morning, i am in the mood to accept what i feel as valid, to accept what i know with a bit of certainty, and to move forward being present for whatever happens. all of this and so much more, are gifts of the program and a result of working steps under the guidance of a sponsor. as i think of the two addicts in my life., who i use as object lessons, i am struck with a feeling bordering on pity for them this morning. it is they, not me, who are missing out on the gifts the steps offer, and one of them knows better as she has worked the steps in the past.
is this part of GOD’s will for me this morning? once again i am not in a place to puzzle all of that out. i am moving forward at the speed of Don this morning and it is off to write a quick report and make some copies, and do my weekend cleanup job and then see what else i can get done before having to be in Boulder. what i will try and remember this morning, is who is really running thew show, and who has the responsibility to be present for whatever happens across the course of the next few hours.
as i sit here this morning trying to catch-up on everything i need to have done by 11 AM this morning, i am feeling a sense of, well, um, i do not quite know. yes there is a bit of urgency in my actions this morning, but i am not overwhelmed by the need to rush off and do something rash or hasty. yes there is a bit of regret in that i did not complete these tasks last night, but as i tired, i was making more mistakes than forward progress. most of all there is a calm certainty, that if i just keep moving, i will have everything done, on time, in good working order and with no regrets.
is this wishful thinking, or is it perhaps a bit of knowledge of the will of that HIGHER POWER, that i am comfortable calling GOD today? i dunno, nor am i going to spend hundreds of words trying to puzzle it out. this morning, i am in the mood to accept what i feel as valid, to accept what i know with a bit of certainty, and to move forward being present for whatever happens. all of this and so much more, are gifts of the program and a result of working steps under the guidance of a sponsor. as i think of the two addicts in my life., who i use as object lessons, i am struck with a feeling bordering on pity for them this morning. it is they, not me, who are missing out on the gifts the steps offer, and one of them knows better as she has worked the steps in the past.
is this part of GOD’s will for me this morning? once again i am not in a place to puzzle all of that out. i am moving forward at the speed of Don this morning and it is off to write a quick report and make some copies, and do my weekend cleanup job and then see what else i can get done before having to be in Boulder. what i will try and remember this morning, is who is really running thew show, and who has the responsibility to be present for whatever happens across the course of the next few hours.
∞ DT ∞