Blog entry for:

by surrendering, acting on faith, and living my life according to the simple spiritual principles of this program, i can stop worrying and start living.
well after a restless night, through no fault of my own, i am sitting here wrapping up my working vacation -- the working part not the vacation part. i have decided that i have worked enough,, and if i am a bit short that means one less cigar or latte of the next few weeks, so be it.
so what do i need to surrender to this morning. well that my family is who they bare, self-entitled, using addicts. i can play their games, i can participate, i can walk away, or i can just surrender to the facts as they are at this moment. life is too short for me to whine, complain and manipulate the results to my liking OR i can accept who they are, take care of my side of the street, protect what i MUST protect and leave the results up to a FORCE far greater than i am. well, now my work is done, breakfast has been prepared, my laundry is done and i am almost ready to get going on my day.
before i so smugly sign-off, it would be probably a good thing to do a bit off inventory. how has self-will been active in me over the past few days. well for one, playing the whole passive-aggressive thing, allowing myself to become the OMIGAWD i am such a put upon martyr. self-will run riot, in such a creative fashion. i get to become a victim, because is choose to allow myself to be victimized, it is quite an exercise, because if i am a victim, i can do what i NEED to do against my imagined oppressors. self-will takes over, i am justified in my anger, my resentments, AND in the end game i GET to act-out and be a general aloof, self-absorbed asshole.
where does that lead to? pondering that point for just a few. it means that how i live in this moment is up to me. my decision. well for one, to end this particular mind dump, go for a swim, perhaps a few chapters in the sun and let the day, and everyone else do what they feel they need to. i can take care of myself by allowing the world happen as it will, in the end game the world will spin as it will spin. so off to the beach to have a vacation day in the sun -- after all twisting in the house will only keep me sick.

∞ DT ∞