Blog entry for:

as i learn the true meaning of surrender. of course there is always the old argument about what am i surrendering and to what am i surrendering it. i can go around and around about that. i can use a bit of sophistry to spin it in a direction i want it to go. i can even just plain resist by pretending i am somehow confused. all of those are viable alternatives,however, this morning, none of those seem worth the effort or energy they require to implement. so this morning, the choir boy steps in, and parrots the pat answer, i will surrender my ENTIRE WILL and LIFE into the care of a HIGHER POWER.
BOOM, 'nuff said, i guess i can go on with my day and hit the dusty trail. or can i? there is actually something else that popped into my head as i dismissed the primary message of the reading this morning. it is going to take me a few minutes to develop this inkling into a full-fledged thought, so bare with me.
so after a minute or so, i went back to the reading, and what jumped out at me was exactly the same thought about the easier, softer way. at this point in my recovery, fighting the process actually consumes a whole lot more of my resources than going with the flow. i remember what another addict shared the other night about that idea, how as he watched the water bugs journeying up and down a creek with flowing water, he was struck by how much easier it was for the bugs to go downstream, than upstream. and yet, there were bugs determined to go upstream regardless of the cost. just like those bugs, when i live in self-will, i am going against the flow, and all i see at the time is what i NEED to do to get my version of the outcome to manifest itself in reality -- i am swimming upstream, putting all of my efforts into a battle that may or may not be worth fighting, and believing wholeheartedly that is where i NEED to go. in such a state i am incapable of letting go, much less surrendering, and the less progress i make towards my destination, the more effort i put into it, more often than not way past the point of diminishing returns. when i finally exhaust myself, or even worse actually achieve what i thought i NEEDED, i am struck about how tenacious and single-minded i can be, and wonder what my life would be like, if i went after what i hear as my HIGHER POWER's will for me. if i surrender and allowed the flow of life to take me where i need to go, adding a stroke or two to keep myself off the the rocks ahead. what i end up seeing is that surrender and accepted are truly the path of least resistance, and FAITH that the outcome of any scenario, will in the long run, be what i really want it to be, you know my TRUE will for myself.
which of course brings me back to the top, it is only in applying STEP THREE in my life, that i learn the practicality of surrender and the meaning of growing my FAITH. which of course leads to a whole bunch of other cascading surrenders, which i have no desire to write about this morning. i am willing, at least right now, to let go, and surrender my will and my life into he care of a HIGHER POWER, and see where this day takes me. so it is now off to hit the streets and pound off some of the stored energy i have accu7mulated over my torso. it is a great day for me to allow myself to align my will with that of the POWER that keeps me clean.

∞ DT ∞