๐ because of my ๐ฅ
Posted: Fri, Jun 26, 2026 07:49:06 AM
involvement in the justice system, i had help imposed upon me. true fact, had i not been turned in by the pedo rat that delivered a fatal dose to his minor girlfriend, i would not be in recovery. none of that last statement is a lie, exaggeration or misdirection. i did not know that twelve step recovery programs existed and even if i did know that, i did not believe they were something that i needed. after all, i just liked to get high, at least once a day and more often whenever possible. i never considered myself an addict, even when i was playing the addict card to my probation officer, the judge and the cops. using the addict card kept me out of jail for a minute, but even though i was allowed to drink in moderation, that was hardly enough and it was not too long before my body betrayed me, as i attempted to get high and stay out of jail. long story short, the fear of prison kept me clean long enough for this recovery gig to kick in.
moving into the here and now, i have a meeting with my sponsor in a few hours to go through my resentments. this is the first time i have shared my true craziness with him and there is a bit of anxiety working me over. i have FAITH that everything will be okay, but even with that FAITH, there is a part of me that wants to run and hide. i can still feign an illness and kick that can down the road. or, as i am going to do, i can man up and just push through. this is not the first time i have shared my FOURTH STEP with a sponsor for the very first time and if i continue to do what i have done, it will not be the last time. it is what it is and i am going to survive it.
so while walking the dawg, i figured out what else i needed to add to this little ditty. today, i am comfortable in my own skin, even if it does not heal fast enough for me. patience in the sixty-nine year old healing process was something with which i was born. it can and will have to become something i learn. yes this old dog has had to learn a shit ton of new tricks since he turned forty and this is just one more to bug the shit out of me until i find the ways and means to remember that i may not feel like i am sixty-nine, but my body knows it for certain.
moving into the here and now, i have a meeting with my sponsor in a few hours to go through my resentments. this is the first time i have shared my true craziness with him and there is a bit of anxiety working me over. i have FAITH that everything will be okay, but even with that FAITH, there is a part of me that wants to run and hide. i can still feign an illness and kick that can down the road. or, as i am going to do, i can man up and just push through. this is not the first time i have shared my FOURTH STEP with a sponsor for the very first time and if i continue to do what i have done, it will not be the last time. it is what it is and i am going to survive it.
so while walking the dawg, i figured out what else i needed to add to this little ditty. today, i am comfortable in my own skin, even if it does not heal fast enough for me. patience in the sixty-nine year old healing process was something with which i was born. it can and will have to become something i learn. yes this old dog has had to learn a shit ton of new tricks since he turned forty and this is just one more to bug the shit out of me until i find the ways and means to remember that i may not feel like i am sixty-nine, but my body knows it for certain.
∞ DT ∞