โ i express my gratitude by sharing freely with others what was given to me โ
Posted: Sat, Aug 22, 2009 08:42:40 AM
the individual message i carry may help a newcomer only i can reach. as i sit here this morning pondering how my unique gifts can and will be put into action across the course of today, i am struck by a sense of gratitude for having been given the chance to see who i am and what i have to offer. i like the notion, that as an individual i have something to offer that no one else does. what that means to me is, that i am unique in the combination of things i have to offer to my fellowship, to members who are my peers and to those who are just starting out on this journey. what that does not mean is that each component of the total package is unique, just the way they come together and are expressed by me. if i get into that totally unique trap, i risk losing my way on the road of recovery. even though it feels like i am lost right now, i know that there is a light guiding me through the fog of the spiritual awakening which currently has me engaged.
which, of course, brings me back to the topic at hand, what do i have to offer a newcomer in the way of my experience, strength and hope, when right now i am uncertain of where i happen to be going? that’s right, the topic is not a question of my having anything to offer, it is a statement og gratefully offering what it is i have. turning it on it’s ear like that, is a manifestation of walking down the road of self-disrespect via the convenient trap of false humility. i am better that that these days! in fact i am so much better, that i can i even caught myself before i drifted too deep into that particular current.
so on that note, what CAN i offer? well, a path towards a FAITH based program of recovery, as it has been expressed in my life. my experience through the death and grieving process, as i started that early in recovery, and just when i think i have it down, BOOM, i get another lesson. most importantly of all, at least in my pointy little head, how to turn compliance with an outside entity into a life of recovery. i am one those who came in the doors, only until i was ‘off paper’ that happened to stick. the amazing part of that, for me, is when i compare and contrasts my attitudes of twelve years ago, when i was on the verge of becoming a member, instead of a poser, with those i have today, there really is not much difference. i still want to be clean just for today. the difference is in the application of that idea. back then, i wanted to be clean so i could pass my UAs, today i want to stay clean so i can enjoy another day free form active addiction. the result is the same, the chance to recover one more day, HOWEVER the motivation is way different. my reward for staying clean today, is the chance to stay clean again tomorrow. for me, that is enough. sip before this days starts to get too hot, it is off to the 10K day.
which, of course, brings me back to the topic at hand, what do i have to offer a newcomer in the way of my experience, strength and hope, when right now i am uncertain of where i happen to be going? that’s right, the topic is not a question of my having anything to offer, it is a statement og gratefully offering what it is i have. turning it on it’s ear like that, is a manifestation of walking down the road of self-disrespect via the convenient trap of false humility. i am better that that these days! in fact i am so much better, that i can i even caught myself before i drifted too deep into that particular current.
so on that note, what CAN i offer? well, a path towards a FAITH based program of recovery, as it has been expressed in my life. my experience through the death and grieving process, as i started that early in recovery, and just when i think i have it down, BOOM, i get another lesson. most importantly of all, at least in my pointy little head, how to turn compliance with an outside entity into a life of recovery. i am one those who came in the doors, only until i was ‘off paper’ that happened to stick. the amazing part of that, for me, is when i compare and contrasts my attitudes of twelve years ago, when i was on the verge of becoming a member, instead of a poser, with those i have today, there really is not much difference. i still want to be clean just for today. the difference is in the application of that idea. back then, i wanted to be clean so i could pass my UAs, today i want to stay clean so i can enjoy another day free form active addiction. the result is the same, the chance to recover one more day, HOWEVER the motivation is way different. my reward for staying clean today, is the chance to stay clean again tomorrow. for me, that is enough. sip before this days starts to get too hot, it is off to the 10K day.
∞ DT ∞