Blog entry for:

and no matter how quirky i may seem to myself, i too have something to offer.
usually by this time in my annual cycle i am totally nuts in anticipation of my clean date anniversary. remorseful over the fact that i have not changed as much as i believe i should have, resentful at those who have less clean time than me getting the gifts i believe i deserve, and spinning around in my head the exact chain of events that occurred over that summer in what feels like the time before light. this year however, very little of that is happening and on days like today i can read more into what the daily meditation is assaying to me than i have in the past.
what it says to me on the surface is that i need to be of service to the fellowship that sustains my freedom from active addiction and goes on to tell me that service to that fellowship does not necessarily mean that i have to be on a service committee or run a meeting. no what the reading spoke to me about was contributing on a deeper more personal level, and being grateful for those who have contributed on that level to me. because of who i am, i am capable of reaching another addict that perhaps would have never felt the warm glow of living a life out of the shadow of active addiction. it is amazing to me, that i might have had that sort of effect on anyone else, although i know through the course of my recovery there have been addicts who profoundly affected me in just that manner. they provided just what i needed when the world seemed dark and gave me enough HOPE to carry on until the next moment. can i provide that same sort of service to the fellowship in which i have chosen to recover? i certainly hope so, but that is not for me to say. all i can do is be present; offer my experience, strength, and hope; and do the best i can to reach out when the opportunity arises. i know that doing the best i can on a daily basis and living in recovery is how that service gets carried out. after all who know who will be watching!

∞ DT ∞