Blog entry for:

i have something to offer, i carry the message of hope -- people like me, addicts, can and do recover from addiction. okay this has been quite the morning, nothing is working out the way i planned, in fact i am so far none of my tried and true routine, has happened in the usual manner. i have to squeeze this in between running and running off to a job. in the old days, this would have been a frustrating morning, and while i could allow myself to react to the unplanned tasks that i needed to do, with frustration, i have decided to revise on the fly and move on.
back to the topic at hand. i have finally come to the place that it is no big deal whether or not i am some sort of hot circuit speaker, or for that matter even if i get asked to speak at my regional convention, the changes that have been manifest in me, as a result of working the steps are incredible, and one of the big ones is , that i am who i am, and i need not impress anyone else in order to feel good about who i am. honestly i am flattered to be asked to speak, but flattery as i have discovered is all a false front for low self-esteem. i find that i carry the message far more effectively at a meeting or one-on-one than i do when i share at length about the trials and tribulations of active addiction and active recovery.
this morning, as i am pressed for time, i will end with this thought, when i speak, regardless of the size of the audience, the notion that is paramount in my mind is: is this the honest truth as i really see and feel it today, or am i acting out a part for some reward? the answer to that question, my friends , will tell me how sick i really am today. this morning i do not feel all that sick, so i will go for it and get on to the showers so i can hit the streets. TTFN

∞ DT ∞