Blog entry for:
Thu, Jan 14, 2010 10:24:37 AM
¿ since i came into the program believing that God is judgmental and unforgiving ¿
posted: Thu, Jan 14, 2010 10:24:37 AM
the very thought of turning my will and life over to the care of GOD filled me with reluctance. alrighty then, i have run, and am waiting to do a phone conference with yet another facility, and i still have to shower and get to a massage this morning by 10 AM. WHEW! so as i have already had quite the mind wipe, thinking about this whole Higher POWER aka GOD gig and the surrender into the care of part, i am quite certain that is what i need to do, to get this piece of fast paced multi-tasking done.
i could rehash my whole HP history experience, but i find that is getting redundant. i could talk about the Eleventh Step experience i had in this step cycle that led to a new spiritual awakening in my recently completed twelfth step, but i have shared that also, and to do so, could be a waste of time, mine and yours.
so in the fifteen minutes i have, i do believe i will speak about how ‘surrendering into the care of…’ looks right here and right now. for me, control is always an issue, as i stay clean, it diminishes in its importance, but it is still there. so for me, i have to understand that i am powerless over my addiction, i have to admit that there is some POWER that can keep me clean, and even though i cannot describe the face of that POWER, i have to trust IT enough to surrender MY WILL and MY LIFE into IT’s care. that trust has come from the preponderance of evidence that some POWER has brought me this far. i may lack the belief that this POWER loves and cares for me, as i see this POWER being far beyond ascribing human attributes to. i do, however believe that in my own limited human understanding, that POWER does work, does keep me clean and will allow me to see and choose the best path to become the man i have always wanted to be. part of that vision the two of us share is a life that goes beyond active addiction and into areas beyond my imagination.
anyhow, time to shower and get a bit less busy. i can feel the need to move on, and i can allow those feelings to be a part of my decision-making process, as i have come to believe that is how i get my daily marching orders. so off to the next task.
i could rehash my whole HP history experience, but i find that is getting redundant. i could talk about the Eleventh Step experience i had in this step cycle that led to a new spiritual awakening in my recently completed twelfth step, but i have shared that also, and to do so, could be a waste of time, mine and yours.
so in the fifteen minutes i have, i do believe i will speak about how ‘surrendering into the care of…’ looks right here and right now. for me, control is always an issue, as i stay clean, it diminishes in its importance, but it is still there. so for me, i have to understand that i am powerless over my addiction, i have to admit that there is some POWER that can keep me clean, and even though i cannot describe the face of that POWER, i have to trust IT enough to surrender MY WILL and MY LIFE into IT’s care. that trust has come from the preponderance of evidence that some POWER has brought me this far. i may lack the belief that this POWER loves and cares for me, as i see this POWER being far beyond ascribing human attributes to. i do, however believe that in my own limited human understanding, that POWER does work, does keep me clean and will allow me to see and choose the best path to become the man i have always wanted to be. part of that vision the two of us share is a life that goes beyond active addiction and into areas beyond my imagination.
anyhow, time to shower and get a bit less busy. i can feel the need to move on, and i can allow those feelings to be a part of my decision-making process, as i have come to believe that is how i get my daily marching orders. so off to the next task.
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
↔ a loving power ↔ 364 words ➥ Friday, January 14, 2005 by: donnotα looking for love α 456 words ➥ Saturday, January 14, 2006 by: donnot
∞ these aspects of my recovery have their source in a loving HIGHER POWER, not a harsh, hateful one. ∞ 471 words ➥ Sunday, January 14, 2007 by: donnot
δ believing in a loving Power is quite a leap for me.Δ 348 words ➥ Monday, January 14, 2008 by: donnot
∞ i either believe in nothing but myself, or i believe that anything that could be called **God** … 570 words ➥ Wednesday, January 14, 2009 by: donnot
∏ my understanding of a Higher Power is up to me ∏ 657 words ➥ Friday, January 14, 2011 by: donnot
♥ i will open my mind and my heart to trust that ♥ 512 words ➥ Saturday, January 14, 2012 by: donnot
£ i begin to experience a fullness of spirit £ 455 words ➥ Monday, January 14, 2013 by: donnot
— i have been told that i can believe in any kind of … 639 words ➥ Tuesday, January 14, 2014 by: donnot
∑ this POWER is ∑ 594 words ➥ Wednesday, January 14, 2015 by: donnot
🙈 a loving GOD 🙊 584 words ➥ Thursday, January 14, 2016 by: donnot
⇝ to do for me ⇜ 798 words ➥ Saturday, January 14, 2017 by: donnot
🌣 the ONLY suggested 🌣 726 words ➥ Sunday, January 14, 2018 by: donnot
☯ cold-hearted ☯ 309 words ➥ Monday, January 14, 2019 by: donnot
🤔 as i become 🤯 581 words ➥ Tuesday, January 14, 2020 by: donnot
🌟 a fullness 🌟 553 words ➥ Thursday, January 14, 2021 by: donnot
🌬 doing for me 🌫 516 words ➥ Friday, January 14, 2022 by: donnot
🤓 an understanding 🤓 601 words ➥ Saturday, January 14, 2023 by: donnot
🤔 discerning 🤔 535 words ➥ Sunday, January 14, 2024 by: donnot
☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 1
3) He constantly (tries to) keep them without knowledge and without
desire, and where there are those who have knowledge, to keep them
from presuming to act (on it). When there is this abstinence from
action, good order is universal.