Blog entry for:

of a Higher Power is up to each addict, themselves. this is one of the **rights** of the fellowship that is my path to living life in a new manner. i defend that right for myself and my peers with extreme prejudice and often have gotten cross-hairs with some of my peers who are not quite as adamant about allowing others to come to their understanding without outside influence. many of those who come to the rooms, misunderstand what i say when i speak of a HIGHER POWER and although the nature of my understanding is not something i get in debates about anymore, i willing share about when i am asked. in this space, i am very clear about my spiritual path and because of the voluntary nature of someone reading this, they have to choice to run away if i offend them, which i just may do, after all snowflakes come in all sorts of political and religious flavors.
i do not often squeeze out enough time to get this written before i head out to my home group and this morning i eked out just enough. i find myself, at times, at a crossroad between telling someone that they are so totally fVcked up and wrong or just rolling my eyes and accepting that is just who they are in that minute. it is odd that one of my peers, who whined the most about not being able to “serve” the fellowship, is not arranging their life to do just that. the fact is, i never “liked” being in the same commitment with them, as what they shared always sounded condescending to the members we were trying to reach. there is a skill to reading a room. even though insist on sharing what i need to share, i still look to see the reactions i am getting and scale back or up as needed. this is especially true when the topic of the meeting turns towards spiritual paths and the nature of our understanding of a HIGHER POWER. my understanding does not jibe with those of many of my peers. that does not mean it is wrong, nor is their flawed either. it means that we have exercised out total and complete right and are expressing that to allow others to see who i am and how my spiritual path keeps me clean.
okay, the BIG reveal to those who do not read me on any regular basis. my understanding of a HIGHER POWER does not include any human emotions, actions, behaviors or attributes, it simply is. that POWER provides me the opportunities each and every day to get what i need to live a program of active recovery, IF i am present enough to see them and choose to exercise them. i am not doomed to any sort of eternal life after i die, or at least i do not think so. what that means for me today, is that i have the opportunity to live each day fully and completely, CHOOSING to be a dickhead asshole or a genuine caring individual. the price i pay for that choice is riven from me each and every evening before i lay down to sleep and i would have it no other way. it is time however to post this little ditty and head on down the road secure tin the knowledge that if i allow IT to the POWER that fuels my recovery will provide for my needs, whether or not IT “loves” me.

∞ DT ∞