Blog entry for:

where once there was only emptiness. well, i knew this day would come, just am i am trying to figure out how this whole cosmological concept is fitting together for me, i have a reading that is about human traits and characteristics of GOD, and what it is suggested that concept includes. putting aside my initial feeling of WTF, i see that the reading says more than just what should be part of, it actually defines a process where i can leave what was, behind and explore what is.
for me, explaining how i view the POWER that fuels my recovery, is becoming less urgent, in fact, as i go through this current growth phase, my concept is becoming less and less public,. i am only allowing glimpses into where i am going, mainly because i am not certain where i am going in this regard at all. perhaps, all of this activity, is to bring me back to the mainstream. perhaps it will take me to a place like an addict that i know, but who cannot attend meetings due to his sensitivities to tobacco smoke. new thing i know for certain, it is not taking me back to where i came from, when i first got clean and when i was in early recovery. i would rather see an addict struggle with these issues than ever suggest that they borrow my concept of a HIGHER POWER while they fill in the details. of all the sins i volunteered for, in those early days, accepting someone else's version of GOD, was among the most heinous. i do not blame them for offering, that is how they were taught. nor do i blame the tradition that is prevalent that some form of HIGHER POWER MUST be accessed from the very beginning. that is certainly one of the biggest fallacies that is spread by oral tradition. the literature says, some of us, just use whatever is out there or the fellowship as a whole, as we come to our own understanding. one can stay clean one STEP ONE alone. that experience may be painful and depressing, but the SECOND STEP does not say WE BELIEVE. for me, it is daily application of STEP TWO, that takes my journey farther away from the norm, when it comes to HIGHER POWER stuff, and that is okay as well, at least i still have a source of strength that can and will keep me clean, just for today. on that i do believe the sane thing to do, is get showered off and headed out to Boulder for another eight hours on the job.

∞ DT ∞