โ it is still difficult for me to stay in the moment โ
Posted: Fri, Feb 12, 2010 08:59:04 AM
each time i discover i am not living in the present, i can take the suggested action and allow my faith to help me live just for today.before i came to recovery, i had no vision of my future, other than when my next get high was and it seemed the only regrets i had about the past were not having enough dope to fulfill my ultimate day, being high from the time i woke up until i passed out in the wee hours of the morning. so imagine my shock, once i woke-up from my 26 year slumber into the real world. it was even more jarring when the psych meds were removed. all of a sudden, i had regrets and fears that consumed me night and day. there was a solution, one that i discovered when i came to recovery and one that was suggested to me, by the shrink i was forced to see. that solution? the 12 STEPS!
simple as that sounds, and it really is quite simple, applying the steps to my life is far from easy, but of course you all know that. what i discover as time goes on, as the number of completed step cycles starts to add up, that was true when i got clean and what was true when i was in early recovery, remains true today. living in FAITH requires a bit of work, at least for me. it requires that i make a decision at least every day, to all a POWER greater than me to care for my will and my life. it means that i have to run my actions through the filter of whether or not the advance my progress towards the man i wish to be, hinder that progress, or have no effect at all. it means that i have to take the time, to connect with the divine and pay attention to whatever answers i am getting, whether or not i like them.it means i have to allow myself to live in the here and now, planning for tomorrow, but not allowing myself to obsesses about it. it means that i have to continue to face my past, and put it into the context of what it was, and leave it there. most of all, it means that i need to care for myself, and allow the healing to take place, today and every day. all of that sounds like a herculean task, but when i look at how much time and effort it truly requires, it is far from what it took to have a perfect day, back in the days of my active addiction, as a matter of fact much less time and effort, and the rewards are far greater although not as immediate.
so on that note, i do believe i will sign-off and take care of another need in the here and now, namely burning off some fat calories from my overindulgent afternoon, yesterday. i do realize that all my decisions have consequences, and now it is time to pay the piper as the saying goes. so have an excellent day, as i know i will do my best to live this day in full and active recovery.
simple as that sounds, and it really is quite simple, applying the steps to my life is far from easy, but of course you all know that. what i discover as time goes on, as the number of completed step cycles starts to add up, that was true when i got clean and what was true when i was in early recovery, remains true today. living in FAITH requires a bit of work, at least for me. it requires that i make a decision at least every day, to all a POWER greater than me to care for my will and my life. it means that i have to run my actions through the filter of whether or not the advance my progress towards the man i wish to be, hinder that progress, or have no effect at all. it means that i have to take the time, to connect with the divine and pay attention to whatever answers i am getting, whether or not i like them.it means i have to allow myself to live in the here and now, planning for tomorrow, but not allowing myself to obsesses about it. it means that i have to continue to face my past, and put it into the context of what it was, and leave it there. most of all, it means that i need to care for myself, and allow the healing to take place, today and every day. all of that sounds like a herculean task, but when i look at how much time and effort it truly requires, it is far from what it took to have a perfect day, back in the days of my active addiction, as a matter of fact much less time and effort, and the rewards are far greater although not as immediate.
so on that note, i do believe i will sign-off and take care of another need in the here and now, namely burning off some fat calories from my overindulgent afternoon, yesterday. i do realize that all my decisions have consequences, and now it is time to pay the piper as the saying goes. so have an excellent day, as i know i will do my best to live this day in full and active recovery.
∞ DT ∞