Blog entry for:

Tue, Feb 12, 2013 08:04:35 AM


± if i dread the future, ±
posted: Tue, Feb 12, 2013 08:04:35 AM

 

i work on living responsibly today. being present for today, what a novel concept! yes, i did sleep my way through most of my life, even in recovery, i missed so much, because i never HEARD about being present, although i was told more than once, i was seven years clean, before i started to practice this principle and this morning there is more than just a twinge of remorse over that oversight.
i do not, however, need to dwell in the past either. i can accept that is gone, i missed many opportunities and as a result i am where i am today. w where is that exactly?
well temporally i am about 30 minute late at 6:52 AM on Feb 12, 2103. physically? just west of WCR-1, Longmont, Boulder Count, COLORADO, USA and so on.
spiritually? a harder question to answer, but today i have reached acceptance about most of what has been chapping my hide over the past few days. some people will always be a$$holes, i need not give them any power, they are shallow and lead empty lives that need to be filled with control. their opinions do not matter and the shriller they scream, the less they matter in my life, after all they act out of ignorance and lack the capacity to admit they are wrong. i can be cordial and succinct, and move on with my life.
emotionally? not quite as tricky, except this morning i am not filled to the brim with anger, in fact i have moved on and need no longer seek approval from someone who lacks the ability to approve of anything outside of their narrow little world.
yes, i am insulting and derogatory to a specific bane of my recent existence, but for me that is the only way i can move into empathy, i have to attribute their behaviors to something similar inside of me, and the know-it-all, conceited, uncaring and shut-off person that i can be exhibits all the same symptoms as the person i have come to accept. for me, what pissed me off the most was not the disrespect or the attitude that i am here to serve them, no it was that i lacked any power in the situation, and the harder i tried to claim it, the harder they resisted. what it comes down to, is for me to cut-off most communication with them and allow myself to do my work without having them be a part of my conscious effort. we lack the ability to communicate and the blame is not necessarily all mine, and that is quite a leap. no longer will i kowtow or pacify their ruffled feathers and if they get butt-hurt because they are losing their power over me, so be it, they are my peer and not my boss, and it is time for me to realize that.
well that was a bit more venomous than i needed to be, and yes i could rewrite it, however, i believe i will let it stand and get ready to head out for my day job, because that too is something i need to do in the here and now.

∞ DT ∞

 

djtConsulting Brand
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.

Another Look!

∞ opening myself to the joys of the now ∞ 368 words ➥ Sunday, February 12, 2006 by: donnot
↔ some times it is difficult to stay in the moment. ↔ 274 words ➥ Monday, February 12, 2007 by: donnot
∞ until i experienced the healing that happens when i work the Twelve Steps, ∞ 518 words ➥ Tuesday, February 12, 2008 by: donnot
∞ when i work the steps and pray each time i discover i am not … 616 words ➥ Thursday, February 12, 2009 by: donnot
≅ it is still difficult for me to stay in the moment ≅ 553 words ➥ Friday, February 12, 2010 by: donnot
⌈ i regretted the past, dreaded the future, ⌋ 738 words ➥ Saturday, February 12, 2011 by: donnot
♣ i can have hours, even days, when my full attention is focused ♣ 655 words ➥ Sunday, February 12, 2012 by: donnot
· each time i realize that my thoughts are not focused · 525 words ➥ Wednesday, February 12, 2014 by: donnot
† not in the regrettable past † 435 words ➥ Thursday, February 12, 2015 by: donnot
⌖ living ⌖ 375 words ➥ Friday, February 12, 2016 by: donnot
ϵ learning to ϶ 927 words ➥ Sunday, February 12, 2017 by: donnot
🌈 opening myself 🌩 609 words ➥ Monday, February 12, 2018 by: donnot
🙹 some days, 🙹 559 words ➥ Tuesday, February 12, 2019 by: donnot
🕗 not all that 🕳 507 words ➥ Wednesday, February 12, 2020 by: donnot
🕡 getting out of myself 🕖 426 words ➥ Friday, February 12, 2021 by: donnot
🏧 living in the moment 🏃 501 words ➥ Saturday, February 12, 2022 by: donnot
😎 as i experience 😎 434 words ➥ Sunday, February 12, 2023 by: donnot
😌 surrender and 😌 532 words ➥ Monday, February 12, 2024 by: donnot
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☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯

THE TAO TEH KING, OR THE TAO AND ITS CHARACTERISTICS
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge

Book 2

1) (It is the way of the Tao) to act without (thinking of) acting;
to conduct affairs without (feeling the) trouble of them; to taste
without discerning any flavour; to consider what is small as great,
and a few as many; and to recompense injury with kindness.