Blog entry for:

by living in the here and now, is one of those skills that i need to keep practicing. over the past few weeks, i have been trying to force more than a little self-will on the world around me, to make outcomes match my expectations and fantasies. the results have been far from stellar and i have had the desire, more than once, to act out, take control and physically alter the end result. needless to say, i have not been living in the moment and it is the dread of the unknown future that is driving these “needs.” as i walk out into this day, i might actually be able to carry the notion that nothing is fVcked, with me and live a little bit in the moment.
i had a discussion with one of the men who calls me their sponsor, which may lead to a termination of our relationship. this conversation was based on the what i perceived is disrespect, such as blowing off a scheduled meeting with no advance warning and ad-libbing his answers to his recovery “assignments,” instead of considering the question and writing about it. although i took no action, i asked him to decide if whether or not he was willing to do the work to foster his recovery or was just being abstinent “good enough?” i also told him to consider this carefully, before answering, as i was willing to take a “break,” if that was his desire. i can be okay either way, although it saddens me to have someone choose to just get by. that is on him and not on me.
this morning, i am okay with making plans and allowing the future to unfold as it will. right here and right now, i need to start getting ready to head on out to the Rec Center as 1 degree above zero and light snow, is not the sort of weather in which i choose to work-out.i can do better today at living in the moment and part of doing so, is to let go of my expectations of what tomorrow will bring. i will be bringing my Dad back to his home and i am uncertain about how that is going to work out. time for me to let go of that as well and get moving towards the gym. in my world, miles matter and i want to get some in, before this day grows much longer in tooth.

∞ DT ∞