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the bigger tests of my honesty, naturally become much easier to exercise and i can feel good about my new found honesty. so as the grapple, hail and rain mixture pounded on my bedroom windows at 4:30 this morning, i was far from serene and accepting of the fact of how powerless i am over the weather. i railed internally for a few minutes to how unfair it was, and questioned the justice of it all, then i rolled over and went back to sleep for another hour. as i sit here, i have to admit how ironic it is that my mind went there this morning, when i have been hearing the same litany from an addict who situation is far worse than having been rudely awakened by the weather. okay what doe any of this have to do with honesty of any type? well, as i ponder that question the only answer i can come up with, is that i am just as suspect about things that i am powerless over as the next guy. IF i was truly honest, i would have to say that there are many petty, minor things that disturb me in a similar fashion in my daily life, and although i appear to handle them, in a seemingly serene manner, when my smoke and mirrors are stripped away, i am just like everyone else, annoyed and working up a head of steam.
i am at a point in my career, where all of a sudden i am having to sell myself and my skills. here is where the honesty gig is working full-force in my life. i want to get new clients, i want to have more money flowing in, and i have to keep myself honest about what i have to offer my new clients, and how long i actually work for my old ones. it is certainly tempting to add 15 minutes here and there, to get a bigger check and after all what does getting an extra $18.75 really hurt? here is where the reading kicks in. yes there is the outright theft from my clients, not matter how i rationalize or justify it, it is stealing plain and simple. there is also the additional weight on my spiritual self. no not sin, i have moved beyond that concept, rather the NEED to rationalize, so i can soothe my guilty conscience, which has grown as i have grown up in recovery. it really is hard to cheat when you have a head full of recovery, and even worse are doing your best to live by spiritual principles. so as tempting as that extra money may seem, i do have a choice today, the choice to practice the spiritual principle of honesty in all of my affairs. the hour padding practice, never gets put into action, although the thought is always there. i know that is part of being human as well as part of being an addict. choosing not to go there is part and parcel a result of my active recovery program, and is the **cure** for my dishonesty. while i am in remission today, i do believe i will hit the dusty trail and see what i can get done before noon. it is a good day to be clean, and quite honestly ;), even a better day to choose to live in an honest manner.

∞ DT ∞