~ when i stopped using drugs, i came face to face with a world ~
Posted: Mon, May 31, 2010 09:12:03 AM
that was confusing, even terrifying to me. happily, i do not have to fix everything at once. solving a single problem seems possible, so i take them one at a time. well i was going to try and add some smart a$$ remark to my seed this morning and decided against it. as i sit here, i realize that i was so caught up in what i really did not need to do, that i did not get my real quiet time this morning, so i will be back in a few to continue this exercise.
so after a moment or so, what did i hear? well for one, i do not have to fix everything in my life today, in fact unless there is something really pressing i may not have to fix anything at all. what i need to do, is to breathe and see what NEEDS to be done in the here and now. something that my sponsor has had me doing over this last set of steps, be present in the NOW.
so yes, there is lots of stuff i could do today. there is lots of stuff i have been asked to do someday. but right now, the only pressing issue is to protect my investment of a new game i got last week. man, oh man, can i get worked up and obsessed about some sort of task. in fact, it was that obsession that robbed me of my quiet time before i chowed down. if i allow it, it will be that same obsession that takes me away from letting go in my exercise session that is soon to follow this task. all because i like the game so much that i absolutely, positively MUST have a back-up copy or 4.
the irony here, is this was how i used to live, and not how i live most of the time these days. no i have not become anything more than another addict in recovery, much as it feels like i have sometimes. this sort of obsessional behavior is the real reminder of who and what i am. be that as it may, there are no really pressing problems in my life that i must step up and solve today. i do have a ‘honey-do’ to do. we are having some family over for a barbecue today. there is just a bit of work that i do have to check on much later this evening, so i guess, what i really need to do this morning, is let go, take a run or walk or whatever with the dawg, come back and see if i have accomplished my task, and then see what i can do to let go and relax. life is not all that complicated these days unless i make it so, and today i choose the easier softer way, which means let go and see what happens.
so after a moment or so, what did i hear? well for one, i do not have to fix everything in my life today, in fact unless there is something really pressing i may not have to fix anything at all. what i need to do, is to breathe and see what NEEDS to be done in the here and now. something that my sponsor has had me doing over this last set of steps, be present in the NOW.
so yes, there is lots of stuff i could do today. there is lots of stuff i have been asked to do someday. but right now, the only pressing issue is to protect my investment of a new game i got last week. man, oh man, can i get worked up and obsessed about some sort of task. in fact, it was that obsession that robbed me of my quiet time before i chowed down. if i allow it, it will be that same obsession that takes me away from letting go in my exercise session that is soon to follow this task. all because i like the game so much that i absolutely, positively MUST have a back-up copy or 4.
the irony here, is this was how i used to live, and not how i live most of the time these days. no i have not become anything more than another addict in recovery, much as it feels like i have sometimes. this sort of obsessional behavior is the real reminder of who and what i am. be that as it may, there are no really pressing problems in my life that i must step up and solve today. i do have a ‘honey-do’ to do. we are having some family over for a barbecue today. there is just a bit of work that i do have to check on much later this evening, so i guess, what i really need to do this morning, is let go, take a run or walk or whatever with the dawg, come back and see if i have accomplished my task, and then see what i can do to let go and relax. life is not all that complicated these days unless i make it so, and today i choose the easier softer way, which means let go and see what happens.
∞ DT ∞