˜ i am beginning to finally see that when i lose self-obsession ˜
Posted: Sat, Jun 19, 2010 08:08:19 AM
i am able to understand what it means to be happy, joyous, and free. once again i have been done in by my diurnal cycle. instead of sleeping in this fine Saturday morning just before the solstice, i am up and writing this blog, after reading the news, eating breakfast doing some work and answering my e-mails. as i sit here pounding this out, i am having some difficulty grasping any humor in this situation. the BEST i can get, is a bit of gratitude for at least being on the correct side of the dirt today.
so what i heard this morning was not the final product understanding what it means to be… no what i head was letting of mt obsession with self. as i ponder my actions, feelings and behaviors over the past few days, as well as look at those with whom i share my life and my recovery, i can see that being judgmental, springs from this obsession with self. as well as a host of other so-called ‘old’ behaviors that are currently part of my repertoire. i could go in the same direction, become so obsessed with trying to remove my obsession with self, that i feed into the very mindset that made using seem the only way out, or i can just let go, see how very ironic hence, humorous that whole pattern is, and laugh out loud at how absurd it really is. which i do believe is the way out, at least for right now. so it is a good day to be clean. it is a good day to decide that i do not want to use. most importantly it is a good day to live the program and do the next right thing. which right here and right now happens to be a quick workout session, a shower and then into my busy weekend, today i do not mind working, after all, what i am doing needs to be completed before the start of business Monday morning, so the earlier i get started the better my chances are at getting it done.
yes i can let go of my self-obsession, and have a hearty laugh at my own expnese, after all i am far too serious, far to often anyhow!
so what i heard this morning was not the final product understanding what it means to be… no what i head was letting of mt obsession with self. as i ponder my actions, feelings and behaviors over the past few days, as well as look at those with whom i share my life and my recovery, i can see that being judgmental, springs from this obsession with self. as well as a host of other so-called ‘old’ behaviors that are currently part of my repertoire. i could go in the same direction, become so obsessed with trying to remove my obsession with self, that i feed into the very mindset that made using seem the only way out, or i can just let go, see how very ironic hence, humorous that whole pattern is, and laugh out loud at how absurd it really is. which i do believe is the way out, at least for right now. so it is a good day to be clean. it is a good day to decide that i do not want to use. most importantly it is a good day to live the program and do the next right thing. which right here and right now happens to be a quick workout session, a shower and then into my busy weekend, today i do not mind working, after all, what i am doing needs to be completed before the start of business Monday morning, so the earlier i get started the better my chances are at getting it done.
yes i can let go of my self-obsession, and have a hearty laugh at my own expnese, after all i am far too serious, far to often anyhow!
∞ DT ∞