โ more than one or two meetings a week just do not seem to fit into my busy schedule โ
Posted: Sun, Apr 17, 2011 09:34:47 AM
i am learning that my priorities are 180 degrees reversed. it is the everything else that NEEDS to fit into my meeting schedule.
yes i see the irony here, as a member who has some clean time, what some may call substantial clean time, i seldom do more that two or three meetings a week. my legion of excuses include everything from: ‘i am not a newcomer anymore’, to ‘there is something on the television i MUST SEE!’ and so much more in between. yest, i am the first to tell any FNG, TO NEED TO ATTEND A MEETING EVERY SINGLE DAY, NO EXCUSES!
not that long ago, there was a reading that was spot on for me and my meeting attendance, so although i could lament and whine my current course, or even more salacious, run through the litany of excuses i have for not attending more meetings, what i will say, is YES daily meeting attendance for way more than the first 90 days got me clean and when i feel myself slipping away from the fellowship, that daily meeting attendance may yet become part of my routine.
truthfully, i did not go to those meetings because i wanted recovery, way back in the days between my first meeting and my clean date. i went so i could get out of the house, or get out of work, as i was locked down pretty severely by the 20th judicial district of colorado. i hated having my freedom so curtailed, so i put as many meetings as i could on my schedule, and spent as little time under their thumbs as possible, and played the game, looking like i was recovered while i was still using.
after my clean date finally arrived, i went to more than one meeting a day, because, the very fact that i was not using grated against me, challenged me and made me fVcking insane with its incessant call of just one more for the road. that road would have been prison, back then, after a lengthy stay in the local sheriff's bed and breakfast. so meetings, twice a day, lessened the amount of time i had to go it alone, after all, calling for help was something that was way beyond me, at least at meetings i could be at peace, as i knew that was the one place i would not use anything save caffeine and nicotine, and in those days those mood and mind altering substances were something i used in abidance!
my daily meeting attendance went on for the better part of my first year, and although most of the meetings i went to were of the wrong program for me, those meetings kept me clean and prepared me to move from going through the motions to actually living the program of recovery i enjoy today. of course that was then, this is now, and my meeting attendance has dropped way off. just like my parents used to tell me, so i echo to the newcomer, when you have as much clean time as i do, then you can do what i do, what you need to do today, is what i did way back when, that is IF YOU WANT WHAT I HAVE. i really do not have much more to write about this morning. i GOT to be a part of my grandson's birthday celebration yesterday, and even though herding 10, 2 to 6 year old children through the aquarium does not sound like that much fun, i actually had a very good time, and man i have a lot more respect for those who have to do it every day, i was wore out by the time i hit the couch yesterday afternoon. it was a GREAT way to spend my birthday and i have no regrets in making the choice i did as one of the alternatives, i am not ready for quite yet. it is what it is, and someday, i may return to that flavor of service, but i can tell you this, I WILL NEVER ALLOW IT TO TAKE OVER MY LIFE LIKE I DID IN THE PAST! for me i am quite content to do what i am doing and when i am healthy enough to put that into its proper place i will, until that day arrives, i am grateful for all who serve our fellowship on the regional level and hopefully your efforts will bring greater new members to our rooms, or at least not chase any away.
so off to the streets for a mind-numbing, heart pounding work out.
yes i see the irony here, as a member who has some clean time, what some may call substantial clean time, i seldom do more that two or three meetings a week. my legion of excuses include everything from: ‘i am not a newcomer anymore’, to ‘there is something on the television i MUST SEE!’ and so much more in between. yest, i am the first to tell any FNG, TO NEED TO ATTEND A MEETING EVERY SINGLE DAY, NO EXCUSES!
not that long ago, there was a reading that was spot on for me and my meeting attendance, so although i could lament and whine my current course, or even more salacious, run through the litany of excuses i have for not attending more meetings, what i will say, is YES daily meeting attendance for way more than the first 90 days got me clean and when i feel myself slipping away from the fellowship, that daily meeting attendance may yet become part of my routine.
truthfully, i did not go to those meetings because i wanted recovery, way back in the days between my first meeting and my clean date. i went so i could get out of the house, or get out of work, as i was locked down pretty severely by the 20th judicial district of colorado. i hated having my freedom so curtailed, so i put as many meetings as i could on my schedule, and spent as little time under their thumbs as possible, and played the game, looking like i was recovered while i was still using.
after my clean date finally arrived, i went to more than one meeting a day, because, the very fact that i was not using grated against me, challenged me and made me fVcking insane with its incessant call of just one more for the road. that road would have been prison, back then, after a lengthy stay in the local sheriff's bed and breakfast. so meetings, twice a day, lessened the amount of time i had to go it alone, after all, calling for help was something that was way beyond me, at least at meetings i could be at peace, as i knew that was the one place i would not use anything save caffeine and nicotine, and in those days those mood and mind altering substances were something i used in abidance!
my daily meeting attendance went on for the better part of my first year, and although most of the meetings i went to were of the wrong program for me, those meetings kept me clean and prepared me to move from going through the motions to actually living the program of recovery i enjoy today. of course that was then, this is now, and my meeting attendance has dropped way off. just like my parents used to tell me, so i echo to the newcomer, when you have as much clean time as i do, then you can do what i do, what you need to do today, is what i did way back when, that is IF YOU WANT WHAT I HAVE. i really do not have much more to write about this morning. i GOT to be a part of my grandson's birthday celebration yesterday, and even though herding 10, 2 to 6 year old children through the aquarium does not sound like that much fun, i actually had a very good time, and man i have a lot more respect for those who have to do it every day, i was wore out by the time i hit the couch yesterday afternoon. it was a GREAT way to spend my birthday and i have no regrets in making the choice i did as one of the alternatives, i am not ready for quite yet. it is what it is, and someday, i may return to that flavor of service, but i can tell you this, I WILL NEVER ALLOW IT TO TAKE OVER MY LIFE LIKE I DID IN THE PAST! for me i am quite content to do what i am doing and when i am healthy enough to put that into its proper place i will, until that day arrives, i am grateful for all who serve our fellowship on the regional level and hopefully your efforts will bring greater new members to our rooms, or at least not chase any away.
so off to the streets for a mind-numbing, heart pounding work out.
∞ DT ∞