Blog entry for:

talking and listen to what is going on around me, i GET the opportunity to seek what i actually need top find and learn at least one more thing. living in a world between being a socially retarded and being seen as someone who is confident and self-assured. is a weird spot for this addict. sharing my Dad's journey to his death with my friends and family on Facebook, has opened up a new audience for these little bits of mind-dumpery and i have yet to reconcile how i feel about that as well. the simple fact of the matter is, that i live in a world where i am exposed to my peers in recovery and have dome my best to keep that on the down-low to casual acquaintances and family members. one might think after two decades or so of doing this gig, i would have lost the FEAR of wowing who i am and the process that brought me to this place in my life.

Jayme P.
Twenty-three (23) years clean.
Keep Coming back, no matter what!

Ryan B.
Eight (8) years clean.
Congrats on finding the way to do this gig, Just For Today.

after the bittersweet celebration of my birthday, where no one could figure out what to say to me, after all my Dad had just died, so “happy birthday” did not seem appropriate, i can actually say, that as diametrically opposed “sorry for you loss” is to birthday wishes, it sums up my feelings about being on the edge of accepting myself and showing that self, in a pure and unadulterated manner to all those people who pass through my life. that life includes regular meeting attendance, even if it is a ZOOM meeting. that life includes being honest, even when honesty hurts, especially with myself. that life includes owning the consequences, good or bad, of my decisions. that life includes, sitting down, shutting up and paying attention to what is happening around me. i GOT to be part of the process of easing my Dad's journey into whatever comes next, because of the life i have been given. the living amends i am making to him will be one of the most difficult tasks in my life and will require a sense of grace and balance i may still lack. i claim no moral high-ground with my decision to live what i said i would. i know that doing so, will not kill me and it certainly will teach me a thing or three about my own human condition, which is probably better than i think it is, just for today.

∞ DT ∞