Blog entry for:

in all kinds of ways. yes, i am often not present for them as a case in point on Tuesday night. or i get pissed off at getting held hostage by someone who has no clue about boundaries or the length of time three minutes actually is. all in all, for me meetings are certainly a mixed bag, and yet, even after a few trips around the sun, clean, i still hit at least three a week.

BTW, RYAN B
ONE(1) Year Clean Today
Congratulations, my brother!

so yes, this week has been a mixed bag for me. sometimes the whiny stuff is what i need to hear. sometimes, hearing someone complaining about not being able to fart daisies and sh!t rainbows, is also a good thing to hear. for me, daisies and rainbows are not part of what i share in meetings, in fact i take great pains to avoid falling into the slogan trap and sharing for the “newcomer.”
meetings are my sanity check, especially if something someone shares ticks me off, or triggers a strong emotional reaction. no matter how busy i am in my everyday, life, it is up to me to make my schedule fit into making those meetings. lovely notion, i am not the center of the universe, even though from my perspective i certainly am. i know i have said that before, and given a link to a website that explains that notion in vivid detail, so i will just say that i view the universe from its very center, as do you, and you and every other sentient being that is walking the planet. that does not mean that the universe is constructed to accommodate me and my perceived needs, it is up to me to act to have those needs met.
what does that mean? well for me, it means that i GET to find a meeting when i need one, and for me that means a meeting of my fellowship, as not just any 12 STEP group will suffice. it means i need to share with the people that understand who and what i am, other addicts. and most importantly it means that i have to carry the message, that no matter what, recovery and its attendant consequences is a better choice than active addiction. it is sad to hear one of the Pollyannas, say that they are drifting away from the program, and i wanted to say what step are you working and if you do not have the best fVcking sponsor in the world, it is time to get a new one. i got involved in another issue, with a frequent relapser who attends more than one fellowship, works a different program based on a single substance because that is what they return to the most, and yet cannot manage to scrape together much clean time. what i told them, because of what i shared openly, is that perhaps they are getting their recovery from the wrong fellowship. no more, no less, i know what an evil being across two fellowships was for me, and i have to admire those that attend two or more and suffer no ill effects. for me, a meeting is more than just a meeting. it is where i hear the word, get the clue and generally get grounded again in why i am here and what i need to do to stay here.
enough of the cheerleader, today i am glad i am clean, at 57 years plus one day, i am also glad that i GET to hear my friend Ryan share his story tonight at 8:00 PM. i also am glad that i HAVE to get in the shower and head on over to work, after all, there is probably a bright and shiny new gadget in my immediate future.

∞ DT ∞