โ each meeting i attend, helps put me โ
Posted: Tue, Sep 6, 2011 07:25:25 AM
that much further from becoming a using addict again. honestly, there are times when meeting attendance becomes a boring drudge of a task, and like my mom asks, i wonder when i can stop going to these “classes?”
when i get like that there are many ways i can look at it. most of them are right down the party line, and are politically correct, like i am a vision of HOPE of the newcomer, still coming after all these days. although that is ever so nice to think about and quite the stroke, the real truth is that i am still crazy after all these years. yes, that is correct, i certainly am not as crazy as i once was. i more than likely will not go out today and decide that using may be a good idea. and the chances are, i will not vacillate between homicide and suicide based on the behavior of those around me. all of that being true does not mean that all of a sudden i am so fVcking sane, that meetings are not for me. what really pisses me off this morning, is that i had a pass for the meeting this evening, and was not going to go, then this reading popped up! i mean really, WTF!
will i go to the meeting tonight? well, now this reading will roll around in my head all day, and i will go back and forth about how much i have to do, my book that needs to be read, and how tired i am from working all the time. in short i will do everything in my power to justify not going to a meeting that i attend on a regular basis. in the long run? i will not predict here and now, what my final decision will be, but if i was making book, i would probably bet on me showing up at 7:00 PM like i usually do.
i really do hate the days when the JFT reading acts as my conscience, however, i guess it is a good thing for this addict who happen to be in recovery. as much as i would like to write another 100 words or so, my well has run dry and my muse has left the building, so i have nothing left to say except TTFN, and see you tomorrow.
when i get like that there are many ways i can look at it. most of them are right down the party line, and are politically correct, like i am a vision of HOPE of the newcomer, still coming after all these days. although that is ever so nice to think about and quite the stroke, the real truth is that i am still crazy after all these years. yes, that is correct, i certainly am not as crazy as i once was. i more than likely will not go out today and decide that using may be a good idea. and the chances are, i will not vacillate between homicide and suicide based on the behavior of those around me. all of that being true does not mean that all of a sudden i am so fVcking sane, that meetings are not for me. what really pisses me off this morning, is that i had a pass for the meeting this evening, and was not going to go, then this reading popped up! i mean really, WTF!
will i go to the meeting tonight? well, now this reading will roll around in my head all day, and i will go back and forth about how much i have to do, my book that needs to be read, and how tired i am from working all the time. in short i will do everything in my power to justify not going to a meeting that i attend on a regular basis. in the long run? i will not predict here and now, what my final decision will be, but if i was making book, i would probably bet on me showing up at 7:00 PM like i usually do.
i really do hate the days when the JFT reading acts as my conscience, however, i guess it is a good thing for this addict who happen to be in recovery. as much as i would like to write another 100 words or so, my well has run dry and my muse has left the building, so i have nothing left to say except TTFN, and see you tomorrow.
∞ DT ∞