≡ the ultimate solution, to counter the part of me i call addiction ≡
Posted: Sat, Oct 22, 2011 10:08:56 AM
is working the steps and drawing on the strength of a Higher Power.
as i sit here this morning at convention, i am struck by how much of an addict i still am, i mean honestly, there are days when i wonder when all of this sh!t will just go away. that i will wake up and be able to join the other 85% of the human race and be normal. does not days upon days in a row mean anything? or the fact that i am not using the people and institutions that surround me? and what about tall the step cycles i have done, doesn't that count for something?
the answer all all of that insanity is not something that i have to head out to the fellowship for, although there are hundreds of voices here that i can trust. no that answer goes back to the first step, i am as i will ever be, just an ordinary, garden variety addict PERIOD!
thee is HOPE, however, recovery provides me the tools and the means to counter even THAT argument. why do i really want to be a member of the other 85%. the answer is all about using, of course, they can use without the consequences of active addiction and IF i was suddenly a member of that group, i would more than likely not want to use, so using would be a very small option for me. it really is such a silly argument that to dwell any fiurther on it is not worth the limited time i have this morning. the day beckons, and i have stuff to do, so i will sign off, jump in the shower and go listen to the voices that tell me that it really is better to accept who i am and live within those constraints, after all, the life of recovery is not such a bad place to be.
as i sit here this morning at convention, i am struck by how much of an addict i still am, i mean honestly, there are days when i wonder when all of this sh!t will just go away. that i will wake up and be able to join the other 85% of the human race and be normal. does not days upon days in a row mean anything? or the fact that i am not using the people and institutions that surround me? and what about tall the step cycles i have done, doesn't that count for something?
the answer all all of that insanity is not something that i have to head out to the fellowship for, although there are hundreds of voices here that i can trust. no that answer goes back to the first step, i am as i will ever be, just an ordinary, garden variety addict PERIOD!
thee is HOPE, however, recovery provides me the tools and the means to counter even THAT argument. why do i really want to be a member of the other 85%. the answer is all about using, of course, they can use without the consequences of active addiction and IF i was suddenly a member of that group, i would more than likely not want to use, so using would be a very small option for me. it really is such a silly argument that to dwell any fiurther on it is not worth the limited time i have this morning. the day beckons, and i have stuff to do, so i will sign off, jump in the shower and go listen to the voices that tell me that it really is better to accept who i am and live within those constraints, after all, the life of recovery is not such a bad place to be.
∞ DT ∞