Blog entry for:

today is the only day i need. there is an enormous caveat in that statement, and that is the WHEN. the truth is that more times than not, i find myself living in self-will instead of living in my 3rd STEP decisions, and as a result, find myself at loggerheads with everyone and the world around me. i am glad that yesterday i prayed to let go of what was bothering me, especially since it really has nothing to do with me anyhow. everyone deserves the chance to make mistakes and get themselves into trouble, and it certainly is not my job to play nanny and herd them in a direction towards greater freedom. even though i have worked through my issues and see what i need to do, that does not mean that they are gone forever. it is why i work steps, albeit lowly, but i work them nevertheless. what i am feeling this morning is another dose of letting go of my recent past and worry about what will happen come November 19th when my current gig is over.
i have a weekend full of celebration to attend, some old friends to catch-up with, some new friends ready to meet and who knows maybe a little bit of spiritual direction. this annual event is what gave me the gift of recovery, or at least my first REAL and HONEST desire to stay clean, hence my admission fee for membership.that was still a bit of time a way, but at least i had the prerequisite met on that fateful October weekend, when i had no clue what i was getting into.
with my bags packed, and the dishwasher getting through to its last task, i am starting to get the urge to jump into today, so that i can be down at convention. that desire as strong as it is, will not keep me focused on the her and now, nor will it allow me to hear what i NEED to be doing right here and right now. what i am hearing is to slow down and enjoy, the extra few minutes this morning, relax and go with the flow today and see where and what i NEED to get done as this day progresses. exercising that huge WHEN to the best of my ability.
so it is off to shower and shave and prepare myself to face the world. i will take what i NEED and i will have the tiniest bit of FAITH, that what i lack, i will be given as this day goes on.

∞ DT ∞