½ i no longer have to live a life of isolation ½
Posted: Thu, Mar 15, 2012 06:41:38 AM
i can become a part of the greater whole, the fellowship that has give me this new life.
or
i can choose to withdraw, rationalizing and justifying my whole way back to active addiction.
the real point here, is that because of recovery I HAVE THOSE CHOICES!
the other 85%, would never understand about how locked in and isolated an addict in active addiction really is. even when i surrounded myself with others, i was always apart, and never could fit in, without something on board to make me “normal.” so the fellowship, while giving me clues on how to do this gig, also is a place where i learn the social skills that i never thought important enough to learn, back in the day.
enough of the preaching to the choir, this morning i am a bit anxious waiting to hear back from CU. i do not know if taking this long is a good thing or not, and i was okay up until least night when i missed the call, due to a service commitment. i slept fine, but this morning before the alarm went off, i was once again returning to the obsessive thoughts about ‘what if’, on both sides of the coin. today i cannot afford to be anything but present for my current position, as how i perform on my current task will determine how the rest of my contract there will go.
anyhow, just a breif missive to the bits and bytes that comprise the internet, as i am so scattered and unable to focus, that i might as well head down and get working on what needs to be done.
or
i can choose to withdraw, rationalizing and justifying my whole way back to active addiction.
the real point here, is that because of recovery I HAVE THOSE CHOICES!
the other 85%, would never understand about how locked in and isolated an addict in active addiction really is. even when i surrounded myself with others, i was always apart, and never could fit in, without something on board to make me “normal.” so the fellowship, while giving me clues on how to do this gig, also is a place where i learn the social skills that i never thought important enough to learn, back in the day.
enough of the preaching to the choir, this morning i am a bit anxious waiting to hear back from CU. i do not know if taking this long is a good thing or not, and i was okay up until least night when i missed the call, due to a service commitment. i slept fine, but this morning before the alarm went off, i was once again returning to the obsessive thoughts about ‘what if’, on both sides of the coin. today i cannot afford to be anything but present for my current position, as how i perform on my current task will determine how the rest of my contract there will go.
anyhow, just a breif missive to the bits and bytes that comprise the internet, as i am so scattered and unable to focus, that i might as well head down and get working on what needs to be done.
∞ DT ∞