∞ striving to feel a part of the fellowship ∞
Posted: Wed, Mar 15, 2006 07:07:00 AM
am i really a part of the fellowship that gave me this new life or is it all just an act? i sometimes wonder about silly stuff like this, well not worry but at least dwell on the idea for a minute or two hundred. but of course that is not what is really on mind today after reading and pondering the daily meditation. what i am really thinking about is setting boundaries once more with another member of the fellowship, and then this reading pops into my life. and then i think that possibly setting a boundary is leading me into the isolation that i have emerged from only because members of this fellowship reached out to me when all i wanted was to isolate in the misery of early recovery. so here i am at another lesson in how to balance my life, my recovery and my boundaries. the quandary is upon me and will probably make me twist most of the day -- but i guess that is how it is supposed to be today! life is never nice and neat, and i for one can make even the simplest tasks complicated and messy.
so back to the reading after a short vent.
just as fear is at the core of alienation, fear is at the heart of my dilemma. i want everyone‘s approval, and have spent most of my life seeking that approval. if that approval was not forthcoming, i sought their attention by acting-out in a negative manner. one way or another i was going to get noticed PERIOD! so after a bit of time in recovery, i know about both of those behaviors, and setting boundaries. so toady i must face my fear and appropriately do what is in front of me, and it probably will not be as bad as i am making it out. after all, i am a part of something greater and that greater whole has given the spiritual toolbox to handle anything i need to do!
so back to the reading after a short vent.
just as fear is at the core of alienation, fear is at the heart of my dilemma. i want everyone‘s approval, and have spent most of my life seeking that approval. if that approval was not forthcoming, i sought their attention by acting-out in a negative manner. one way or another i was going to get noticed PERIOD! so after a bit of time in recovery, i know about both of those behaviors, and setting boundaries. so toady i must face my fear and appropriately do what is in front of me, and it probably will not be as bad as i am making it out. after all, i am a part of something greater and that greater whole has given the spiritual toolbox to handle anything i need to do!
Happy Two Year Anniversary Stevie Ray!
∞ DT ∞