โ accepting the responsibilities of friendship โ
Posted: Sat, May 18, 2013 07:50:15 AM
okay, so the reading was about making amends as the means to take responsibility for the mistakes i make in friendship. that may be a =very noble sentiment and one worth exploring, however this morning, my mind went another direction, and so here i go.
there are people in my life, family, friends, acquaintances and peers, who actively participate in the relationships we have built. those relationships seldom require a full NINTH STEP amends, because most of the time, i can promptly correct what i did wrong through the TENTH STEP process. i seem to get the same consideration back for the most part, and as a result those are the healthiest and most secure relationships in my life.
there are friends in my life who seem to be clueless as to what a healthy relationship may be, and seem to believe that it means i give everything of myself, and maybe someday they will give the tiniest bit of themselves. i saw one of those yesterday and after going out of my way to sit down with i felt worn out and spent. in fact, by the time i arrived at home, i had nearly decided that maybe the time had come to step away and give myself some space. i have yet to act on that, because i am still not sure what the next right thing to do is, in this case. he certainly feels i did him wrong, because i would not put my recovery in jeopardy. he certainly feels that changing my mind based on changes in circumstances was wrong, because get this HE DID NOT DO ANYTHING! THE DECISION WAS MADE BY SOMEONE ELSE, SO I SHOULD HAVE NOT CHANGED MY PLANS. he told me he has the RIGHT to be angry at my change of heart and is still angry one week later. he more than likely is waiting for an amends or perhaps an admission that i was wrong, in this case he will turn blue and pass out before that happens, as i did nothing wrong here.
what i get out of that is a lesson in my own behavior. how much do i expect of the people in my life that are my friends? what do i do when they fail to meet my expectations? is everything i do for those i love, done with an expectation of return? am i buying my friends on the time payment plan? who do i owe an amends to today, and with whom do i need to have an unpleasant conversation and admit my mistakes? great questions to add to my TENTH STEP inventory and to consider as i walk through this day.
it is my intention to look at the example of my friend as a guide and walk through my relationships a bit more responsibly as a result. it is off to the showers and into the day ahead for me, be well my friends and God Speed Greg K, the struggle for you is finally over.
there are people in my life, family, friends, acquaintances and peers, who actively participate in the relationships we have built. those relationships seldom require a full NINTH STEP amends, because most of the time, i can promptly correct what i did wrong through the TENTH STEP process. i seem to get the same consideration back for the most part, and as a result those are the healthiest and most secure relationships in my life.
there are friends in my life who seem to be clueless as to what a healthy relationship may be, and seem to believe that it means i give everything of myself, and maybe someday they will give the tiniest bit of themselves. i saw one of those yesterday and after going out of my way to sit down with i felt worn out and spent. in fact, by the time i arrived at home, i had nearly decided that maybe the time had come to step away and give myself some space. i have yet to act on that, because i am still not sure what the next right thing to do is, in this case. he certainly feels i did him wrong, because i would not put my recovery in jeopardy. he certainly feels that changing my mind based on changes in circumstances was wrong, because get this HE DID NOT DO ANYTHING! THE DECISION WAS MADE BY SOMEONE ELSE, SO I SHOULD HAVE NOT CHANGED MY PLANS. he told me he has the RIGHT to be angry at my change of heart and is still angry one week later. he more than likely is waiting for an amends or perhaps an admission that i was wrong, in this case he will turn blue and pass out before that happens, as i did nothing wrong here.
what i get out of that is a lesson in my own behavior. how much do i expect of the people in my life that are my friends? what do i do when they fail to meet my expectations? is everything i do for those i love, done with an expectation of return? am i buying my friends on the time payment plan? who do i owe an amends to today, and with whom do i need to have an unpleasant conversation and admit my mistakes? great questions to add to my TENTH STEP inventory and to consider as i walk through this day.
it is my intention to look at the example of my friend as a guide and walk through my relationships a bit more responsibly as a result. it is off to the showers and into the day ahead for me, be well my friends and God Speed Greg K, the struggle for you is finally over.
∞ DT ∞