there is a certain distorted security in familiar pain
Posted: Sat, Jun 15, 2013 08:21:40 AM
it seems safer to embrace what i know than to let go of it for the unknown.
okay so i was trucking along, doing my thing, when all of a sudden, the web hosting company's web mail server hist a glitch. no bigs, stuff happens and i started an on-line chat with tech support. well much to my surprise they have stripped their support department down to nothing and after waiting 22 minutes to get a response, the tech seems like he is dumber than rocks and asked the stupidest questions. with the lack of trained support, i would consider moving away to another hosting company, but in reality, there are always trade-offs and the service here has always been exceptional, the reliability very high and the freedom to be able to do what i need to do, without jumping through all kinds of crazy hoops, well that will probably make me forget the sin of making me wait, especially if the brick who is assisting me, takes care of my problem.
how does that relate? well that certain distorted security in staying in bed with the evil i know, rather than venturing out courting the unknown. so as i multitask my way through this morning, i start to see a pattern in what i am doing. in fact when i explained why it took three hours to get to work after i got of bed the other night, and part of my response was my that i add time to do an 11th Step, the reply was “you still do that?!”
why yes i certainly still do! it is part of what kept me clean for so many days, and what continues to drive my recovery forward. in fact, the longer i stay clean, the more surprised i am by the number of my peers that stop doing 10 and 11 on a daily basis. this is the part of my life that does not require any change, the daily maintenance part. so as i cruise through the seemingly endless roadblocks this morning, and they are just popping up all over the place, i get that whining, and allowing myself to become frustrated. is part of that unhealthy pattern that i am unwilling to allow to change. i want what i want and getting through my Saturday morning task is what i want RIGHT NOW!
anyhow, moving forward, i guess what i am getting at is there are some things, like daily maintenance of my spiritual condition that are good things to be stuck with, and there are others, such as being frustrated when things do not go my way, that are not. time for me to move on!
okay so i was trucking along, doing my thing, when all of a sudden, the web hosting company's web mail server hist a glitch. no bigs, stuff happens and i started an on-line chat with tech support. well much to my surprise they have stripped their support department down to nothing and after waiting 22 minutes to get a response, the tech seems like he is dumber than rocks and asked the stupidest questions. with the lack of trained support, i would consider moving away to another hosting company, but in reality, there are always trade-offs and the service here has always been exceptional, the reliability very high and the freedom to be able to do what i need to do, without jumping through all kinds of crazy hoops, well that will probably make me forget the sin of making me wait, especially if the brick who is assisting me, takes care of my problem.
how does that relate? well that certain distorted security in staying in bed with the evil i know, rather than venturing out courting the unknown. so as i multitask my way through this morning, i start to see a pattern in what i am doing. in fact when i explained why it took three hours to get to work after i got of bed the other night, and part of my response was my that i add time to do an 11th Step, the reply was “you still do that?!”
why yes i certainly still do! it is part of what kept me clean for so many days, and what continues to drive my recovery forward. in fact, the longer i stay clean, the more surprised i am by the number of my peers that stop doing 10 and 11 on a daily basis. this is the part of my life that does not require any change, the daily maintenance part. so as i cruise through the seemingly endless roadblocks this morning, and they are just popping up all over the place, i get that whining, and allowing myself to become frustrated. is part of that unhealthy pattern that i am unwilling to allow to change. i want what i want and getting through my Saturday morning task is what i want RIGHT NOW!
anyhow, moving forward, i guess what i am getting at is there are some things, like daily maintenance of my spiritual condition that are good things to be stuck with, and there are others, such as being frustrated when things do not go my way, that are not. time for me to move on!
∞ DT ∞