ยฑ when i feel like a winner i know in my heart, ยฑ
Posted: Tue, Dec 10, 2013 07:40:35 AM
that with the help of the POWER that fuels my recovery, nothing will come along that is too much to handle.
this morning, though i have my doubts. well not really, i know that 'tis the season for depression for me, and this year it is REALLY KICKING MY BUTT. i am not seeking solutions, sympathy or even a comment from anyone, just stating a fact, and as a fact, i understand that this too shall pass, in fact i know that it will not last any longer than 30 days or so. so as the reading suggests i am emulating the winners by sharing about, what is just a blip, in my annual cycle. why this year more than others, i do not know, nor do i really care. yes a little of that old black magic that i did so well, would certainly lift my spirits, and i might even be bale to get away with it, after all i do have chronic pain…
moving on.
so someone got all butt hurt because of stuff that i shared a week ago. well it was not me, but it led to another member's sharing that was very specific and more than a little slanted against a very specific religion. unfortunately that member happens to be one of those on the margin, and who has been in and out of recovery for a bit of time. they are also one, who refuse to give up their playmates and play grounds, so they certainly now have the way out. i am a bit sad that sharing about my journey to finding the POWER that fuels my recovery, feels insulting to some, BUT, and it is a big one, that is my journey. there is only one program, one set of steps and one way to live an active program of recovery, but each of us, has our own, unique and just as valid journey through that process. mine has been, well, interesting, in the Chinese sense as well as more than a bit tumultuous and fraught with peril. here i sit today, thousands of days from the last time i used, and even though my butt is being kicked by Seasonal Affected Depression, i have FAITH that this too shall pass, i can be as miserable as i like, but wait, that is just for tomorrow. no today, the prize i have set my eyes upon, is to stay clean, get through today and look for that ray of HOPE, that feeds the FAITH i have so carefully cultivated, since the day i finally accepted without reservations that i am a plain, garden variety addict, who is right where he is supposed to be. and when identify this evening at the meeting, i will say i am an addict and my name is DON, just to drive the point home, that i am among my peers, no better or worse than anyone in the room! the butt-hurt? well hopefully they will come back. if not, well i hope they their resentment does not kill them, because hanging out in bars more than likely will.
this morning, though i have my doubts. well not really, i know that 'tis the season for depression for me, and this year it is REALLY KICKING MY BUTT. i am not seeking solutions, sympathy or even a comment from anyone, just stating a fact, and as a fact, i understand that this too shall pass, in fact i know that it will not last any longer than 30 days or so. so as the reading suggests i am emulating the winners by sharing about, what is just a blip, in my annual cycle. why this year more than others, i do not know, nor do i really care. yes a little of that old black magic that i did so well, would certainly lift my spirits, and i might even be bale to get away with it, after all i do have chronic pain…
moving on.
so someone got all butt hurt because of stuff that i shared a week ago. well it was not me, but it led to another member's sharing that was very specific and more than a little slanted against a very specific religion. unfortunately that member happens to be one of those on the margin, and who has been in and out of recovery for a bit of time. they are also one, who refuse to give up their playmates and play grounds, so they certainly now have the way out. i am a bit sad that sharing about my journey to finding the POWER that fuels my recovery, feels insulting to some, BUT, and it is a big one, that is my journey. there is only one program, one set of steps and one way to live an active program of recovery, but each of us, has our own, unique and just as valid journey through that process. mine has been, well, interesting, in the Chinese sense as well as more than a bit tumultuous and fraught with peril. here i sit today, thousands of days from the last time i used, and even though my butt is being kicked by Seasonal Affected Depression, i have FAITH that this too shall pass, i can be as miserable as i like, but wait, that is just for tomorrow. no today, the prize i have set my eyes upon, is to stay clean, get through today and look for that ray of HOPE, that feeds the FAITH i have so carefully cultivated, since the day i finally accepted without reservations that i am a plain, garden variety addict, who is right where he is supposed to be. and when identify this evening at the meeting, i will say i am an addict and my name is DON, just to drive the point home, that i am among my peers, no better or worse than anyone in the room! the butt-hurt? well hopefully they will come back. if not, well i hope they their resentment does not kill them, because hanging out in bars more than likely will.
∞ DT ∞