โ most of all, i could not trust myself. โ
Posted: Fri, Jan 31, 2014 09:21:04 AM
well here is sit at my desk, after the slippy, slidey and slow drive over from my home, and i get to think about TRUST.
quite ironic, as i trusted my instincts to do what i needed to do, yesterday and today, at least with respect to dealing with the effects of the weather on morning traffic. if i was where i was way back when? well for one, i would not have the life i have, no car, no insurance, no mortgage and certainty no job with any sort of future. speaking of which, i just spent some time, with one of my managers to get some direction as to what me future is going to be. at least as far as today goes, i have a position that has a future here.
truthfully, learning to trust has been quite a journey for me, as i have written about in the past. needless to say, that as i grow and travel the path towards being the man i never believed i could be, i find that trusting with others, no matter how warily, is a whole lot easier than trusting myself. everything i do, seems suspect, including the decision to drive over to work this morning. did i drive over to prove something, was it self-will, or perhaps, it was just the next right thing to do. two guys lost their positions yesterday, and i have yet to feel safe in mine. that does not mean i am putting my life on hold for the job. i still have a vacation planned, i still am doing my wellness stuff, and if asked i will give more time to the job, as long as it does not tromp on anything else more important, such as my wellness plan, my time at home, and soon dog training to bring our puppy into the adult dawg world.
am i really growing into someone i can trust? that seems like a great question to add to my daily inventory, as i seem to beat myself up over whether or not i am trustworthy. so looking at where trusting myself paid off, would certainly help beat the defeatism attitude i seem to carry around from day to day.
anyhow, i need to get some work done, as this strange day progresses. it is a good day to be clean.
quite ironic, as i trusted my instincts to do what i needed to do, yesterday and today, at least with respect to dealing with the effects of the weather on morning traffic. if i was where i was way back when? well for one, i would not have the life i have, no car, no insurance, no mortgage and certainty no job with any sort of future. speaking of which, i just spent some time, with one of my managers to get some direction as to what me future is going to be. at least as far as today goes, i have a position that has a future here.
truthfully, learning to trust has been quite a journey for me, as i have written about in the past. needless to say, that as i grow and travel the path towards being the man i never believed i could be, i find that trusting with others, no matter how warily, is a whole lot easier than trusting myself. everything i do, seems suspect, including the decision to drive over to work this morning. did i drive over to prove something, was it self-will, or perhaps, it was just the next right thing to do. two guys lost their positions yesterday, and i have yet to feel safe in mine. that does not mean i am putting my life on hold for the job. i still have a vacation planned, i still am doing my wellness stuff, and if asked i will give more time to the job, as long as it does not tromp on anything else more important, such as my wellness plan, my time at home, and soon dog training to bring our puppy into the adult dawg world.
am i really growing into someone i can trust? that seems like a great question to add to my daily inventory, as i seem to beat myself up over whether or not i am trustworthy. so looking at where trusting myself paid off, would certainly help beat the defeatism attitude i seem to carry around from day to day.
anyhow, i need to get some work done, as this strange day progresses. it is a good day to be clean.
∞ DT ∞