Blog entry for:
Fri, Jul 22, 2005 05:37:43 AM
α spiritual life ω
posted: Fri, Jul 22, 2005 05:37:43 AM
today my spirit is vital and strong, after all i have made it this last ten and half months without using, so something has been going on that is beyond my understanding.
i do believe that have done the footwork i needed to, to allow that spirit to grow through the pain and experience of my eighth year clean. if last july you would have suggested that i would have to deal without the process of being a live liver donor, and watch a friend waste away in terminal pain and confusion, i would have looked at you with some kind of dumb look on my face and say that you must be crazy -- nothing like that happens in my life!
so here i am, pondering the meaning of the events over the past 10 months wondering on how i got through it. i have wanted to use. i have been pissed at GOD, i have been denying that Jim would die, and most of all i have wanted to run away and hide in some hole in outer mongolia until all of this was done.
well what really got me through this bit of life on life‘s terms was the relationships i have built with those with whom i share my recovery with. you guys have allowed me to be me, and to keep coming back. you guys kept spouting off those tired overused clichés. you guys kept hugging me and telling me ‘ that no one ever died from a feeling.’ and most of all you guys believed that no matter what i could stay clean and did all you could to get me to believe that.
so to honor all of you as well as that vital part of me -- my spirit -- i believe i will choose not to use again today!
∞ DT ∞
i do believe that have done the footwork i needed to, to allow that spirit to grow through the pain and experience of my eighth year clean. if last july you would have suggested that i would have to deal without the process of being a live liver donor, and watch a friend waste away in terminal pain and confusion, i would have looked at you with some kind of dumb look on my face and say that you must be crazy -- nothing like that happens in my life!
so here i am, pondering the meaning of the events over the past 10 months wondering on how i got through it. i have wanted to use. i have been pissed at GOD, i have been denying that Jim would die, and most of all i have wanted to run away and hide in some hole in outer mongolia until all of this was done.
well what really got me through this bit of life on life‘s terms was the relationships i have built with those with whom i share my recovery with. you guys have allowed me to be me, and to keep coming back. you guys kept spouting off those tired overused clichés. you guys kept hugging me and telling me ‘ that no one ever died from a feeling.’ and most of all you guys believed that no matter what i could stay clean and did all you could to get me to believe that.
so to honor all of you as well as that vital part of me -- my spirit -- i believe i will choose not to use again today!
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
spiritual life 235 words ➥ Thursday, July 22, 2004 by: donnot↔ snuffing the spiritual flame i have worked so hard to restore in my recovery ↔ 375 words ➥ Saturday, July 22, 2006 by: donnot
∞ but i know what the consequence will be if i use ∞ 514 words ➥ Sunday, July 22, 2007 by: donnot
δ with the Twelve Steps and the love of other recovering addicts, δ 369 words ➥ Tuesday, July 22, 2008 by: donnot
∞ as a newcomer, i came to my first meeting with only a small spark of life remaining ∞ 489 words ➥ Wednesday, July 22, 2009 by: donnot
• for me, to use is to die, often in more ways than one • 777 words ➥ Thursday, July 22, 2010 by: donnot
∏ with the Twelve Steps and the love of other recovering addicts ∏ 509 words ➥ Friday, July 22, 2011 by: donnot
⌈ each day i choose to stay clean, my spirit is revitalized ⌋ 738 words ➥ Sunday, July 22, 2012 by: donnot
↔ when everything in my life seems to go wrong, ↔ 526 words ➥ Monday, July 22, 2013 by: donnot
∏ despite the fact that my life in recovery is rewarding, ∏ 750 words ➥ Tuesday, July 22, 2014 by: donnot
∩ too dear ∩ 418 words ➥ Wednesday, July 22, 2015 by: donnot
🎲 finding purpose 🎯 735 words ➥ Friday, July 22, 2016 by: donnot
🏜 to use is to die, 🏝 719 words ➥ Saturday, July 22, 2017 by: donnot
🏎 honoring my 🏍 523 words ➥ Sunday, July 22, 2018 by: donnot
🌱 that whole, vital 🌼 431 words ➥ Monday, July 22, 2019 by: donnot
🕱 spiritual death 🕳 641 words ➥ Wednesday, July 22, 2020 by: donnot
👹 choosing 👺 436 words ➥ Thursday, July 22, 2021 by: donnot
🙃 if i choose 🙁 495 words ➥ Friday, July 22, 2022 by: donnot
🤝 extending a 🤝 565 words ➥ Saturday, July 22, 2023 by: donnot
☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 2
2) Thus we may see,
Who cleaves to fame
Rejects what is more great;
Who loves large stores
Gives up the richer state.