Blog entry for:

my recovery, not just talking about it. first off, i will NEVER apologize for what i share in a meeting, as i ALWAYS share what is on my heart. i will apologize for what i say to one of my peers after a meeting, especially when i meant it as a joke, and it came off condescending and disrespectful. when i share, i do not attempt to “share for the newcomer,” as i am clueless these days about what a newcomer may or may not want to hear. it is my working theory that IF i share about where i am today, and how i got there, the element of HOPE will reach the ears and possibly the heart of the newcomer, anything more is me just trying to be in control. the question that popped off the stack this morning was do i owe another correction to the correction i made yesterday? my intuition is telling to let this one go and move along into the next phase of my day. feeling my way through to the next right thing to do, is one of the most difficult tasks i can do.
as i have said in the past “if i am breathing, i am judging.” i accept that as a fact of my life today. as wonderful and dreamy as it would be to say that i am working on removing my tendency to judge, the other fact of life, is that i am not trying at all. what i am doing, is learning to live with my judgements and how i react to them. part of “learning to live with them,” is that i do not share them with others, even the object of my judgement, except when asked. when asked i use the least abrasive language and focus on my part in the judgement without casting for motives of another or projecting what i think upon them. saying i do not trust them because of history, instead of saying they are untrustworthy are two different statements. the onus is on me to find the means out of my judgement, rather than on someone else. learning to set aside what i have seen in the past and look for evidence of change for the better is also on me and not someone else. that is part of walking through my recovery. anyhow i have some things to do and some places to go, so it is off into the real world to see what i can get accomplished, just for today.

∞ DT ∞