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to them talk in meetings, i also watch how they walk through their recovery. cool, this is one of those readings that allows me to lets all hang out for me. i can say whatever i want to say about anyone because in the end i am going to state: “regardless of all of this, i have to learn to tolerate…” and sound do fVucking spiritual after slamming whoever my target ends up being.
or least there was a day when that is how i would proceed from here. this morning, dang it, just does not happen to be one of those days.
maybe it is the lack of caffeine. maybe it is the fact that i have already, run and showered but have not had anything to eat. or maybe, just maybe, in this slice of time, i have grown enough to see that i need not go there. it is amazing that i can even see that possibility and that behavior so clearly this morning, that i am embarrassed to have even thought of it.
it is true, i have seen and continue see, members who do not have what i want. it is also true, that i have acted heinously in recovery and seen others act in a similar manner in all sorts of varying degrees. living in a glass house, perhaps i need not throw any stones this morning. i also watch those around the fringes, who do nothing to move into the safety of the crowd, and wonder what it will take for them to get what i am giving. and maybe, by watching me they are having no part in what i am giving, IT COULD HAPPEN! it is a good thing, that there is no rule that i have to hang with any of them, the members on the fringe, the members who are talking a program and refusing to walk a program nor anyone else BUT and here is the very tricky part, i HAVE TO TOLERATE THEM IN ALL THEIR GLORY.
that is what i got of the reading hours ago, before the road work and before my shower and before getting my laundry rolling. that for me, it is a day to practice tolerance, in other words, put principles before my character defects and let everyone just be who they are, warts and all. some times being tolerant feels like i am being forced to change into a politically correct wimp, who walks around on eggshells, singing Kumbaya or something. that is, for lack of a better term, not who i am, nor will it ever likely that will be someone i will become. so learning to be tolerant, through living a program of recovery, is changing me into a better man. i Amy never be able to practice tolerance in all of my affairs, but the hope is, and it is not some sort of pipe dream, is that i can get better at being tolerant as the days go by. with that bit of HOPE, i think i will conclude this by saying, stay cool out there, it is going to be another HOT ONE today.

∞ DT ∞