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and consequences, OH MY!
Take 2!
for some reason, and i guess i can blame being powerless, this little ditty got pitched into the bit bucket, dang it all. i still used the movie allusion as for me, the decision-making process is still a dark and scary place and i never know what i will have with me, when i emerge from it. since i had a single failure this morning, i am deciding here and now, to take precautions to prevent me from having to go through this process a third time. my first attempt at posting my “wisdom” for general consumption centered of the decisions i make daily and after a quick break, i am certain that is where i want to go, once again.

Jack W,
Eleven (11) years clean!
Congrats my friend, thanks for allowing me to see you grow.

Joel K,
Congrats on four (4) years clean, my friend.
I am grateful you came and stayed, instead of the choosing an alternative.

this may sound a bit pompous and stifled, but for me the most important decision i make each day, is deciding that no matter what, i will not use. the consequences that flow out of that decision, both pleasant and unpleasant, set the course of my life on a daily basis. no matter how trite and cliché that may sound, the fact of the matter is, that today i am grateful that i can make that decision, as my addiction prevented me from choosing for quite some time. resistance, as futile as it was for me, kept me in the dark for quite a long time, at the end of my using days and certainly in those months of trying to figure out how to “look like” a recovering addict, instead of actually being one.
this morning, when i awoke, i took the first step of living in the here and now, and admitted i am powerless over addiction and asked for the power to stay clean today. it is ironic that the two prayers that “frame” my day, have not changed all that much, since i started this journey. i have grown out of using anyone else's version of a HIGHER POWER and yet this remnant remains, and it provides me with just a bit of comfort. is it like those old and stinky but well-worn and broken-in pair of shoes that i just cannot stand to part with or is it truly a part of my spiritual life i CHOOSE to keep and practice? that question will be answered as i live through the steps. i am comfortable with the notion that i can CHOOSE whether or not my simple prayers will remain part of my daily practice. i accept the consequences of doing and choose to keep doing, rather than sample the consequences of not doing.
anyhow, the real world beckons and i need to start moving my a$$ out of the my speculative world of “what if” and into the “this is,” just for today.

∞ DT ∞