โฏ meaningful, โฏ
Posted: Thu, Mar 12, 2020 11:04:10 AM
varied, and fulfilling may not be three words i use to describe my every day life. the rub here, as a cynic, i often see the yin of my life, ignoring the yang. and now for something completely different, well maybe!
it is true, my life is very routine and one might say it is certainly rut-like. in fact, when i am the most serene, i whine and moan about how uneventful my life happens to be. coming from a life based in chaos, even though most of that was resolved decades ago, i still nostalgically yearn for those **good** old days. yesterday was a day out of the rut and ended at 4:25 AM this morning, nearly twenty-four hours of being awake, or at least sort of awake. once upon a time, that sort of wake sleep schedule would be my norm, it is quite true that caffeine would not have been the only stimulant i had on board, in face caffeine would have been the lease desirable of the substances that kept me “up.” yes i am beat after a couple hours of sleep. yes i could whine about how someone misrepresented how long things would take. what i choose to do instead is see that the fact that every now and again, this stuff happens BECAUSE i have a career that is the direct result of getting clean and bettering myself through education. that path was my elevator out of the rut i found myself in, once i got clean and accepted i would have to do something different.
as i prepare to wrap this up, i think me and the dawg are going to do the ”Tour de Hood,“ before the weather or lack thereof settles in. from the outside my life may look rut-like, but in seven days, if the stars align, i will be on my way to the Emerald Isle and have the opportunity to kiss the Blarney Stone, COVID-19 or not i can be grateful that recovery has brought me this far and i will not suggest that i need to let go, change my perspective or work through my denial. nope, just for today, i will be okay with letting everyone else take care of that.
it is true, my life is very routine and one might say it is certainly rut-like. in fact, when i am the most serene, i whine and moan about how uneventful my life happens to be. coming from a life based in chaos, even though most of that was resolved decades ago, i still nostalgically yearn for those **good** old days. yesterday was a day out of the rut and ended at 4:25 AM this morning, nearly twenty-four hours of being awake, or at least sort of awake. once upon a time, that sort of wake sleep schedule would be my norm, it is quite true that caffeine would not have been the only stimulant i had on board, in face caffeine would have been the lease desirable of the substances that kept me “up.” yes i am beat after a couple hours of sleep. yes i could whine about how someone misrepresented how long things would take. what i choose to do instead is see that the fact that every now and again, this stuff happens BECAUSE i have a career that is the direct result of getting clean and bettering myself through education. that path was my elevator out of the rut i found myself in, once i got clean and accepted i would have to do something different.
as i prepare to wrap this up, i think me and the dawg are going to do the ”Tour de Hood,“ before the weather or lack thereof settles in. from the outside my life may look rut-like, but in seven days, if the stars align, i will be on my way to the Emerald Isle and have the opportunity to kiss the Blarney Stone, COVID-19 or not i can be grateful that recovery has brought me this far and i will not suggest that i need to let go, change my perspective or work through my denial. nope, just for today, i will be okay with letting everyone else take care of that.
∞ DT ∞