Blog entry for:
Thu, Mar 30, 2006 06:38:46 AM
α i need not despair, for there is always hope Ω
posted: Thu, Mar 30, 2006 06:38:46 AM
and that HOPE is that no matter what happens today, that THE POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN AND PROVIDES FOR ALL MY NEEDS, will provide the resources for me to deal with it. WHEW! when i first heard members saying these words or something in a similar vein i thought "note to self, these folks is crazy, run as fast and as far as you can before you get infected with this craziness too!"
well it is a good thing i chose not to listen to my inner critic on this issue, else who knows where i would be today. certainly not sitting in front of a computer blithely musing about the ups and downs about one addict‘s journey up the path of recovery. so here i sit thinking about HOPE, DISASTER, ACCEPTENCE, and FAITH because that is what came up for me as i read the reading.
disaster because i am AFRAID of being found out for a fraud. somehow my recovery is all a sham and that i am doomed to the prophecy that the Cassandra named brandi sentenced me to all those days ago, when i forced into treatment. namely that the best i can ever HOPE for was longer and longer periods of abstinence followed be briefer and briefer periods of relapses. the part of me that wants to use loves that line of thought, after all i have over three thousand days since my last use.
ACCEPTENCE, because i have a fear or two working in my life today -- fear of failing with my new client because i am not coming up to speed fast enough. fear of success because i am good enough and will be making more money than i ever have in my entire life. and accepting that somehow in the whole scheme of things, this is exactly where i am supposed to be and just let go.
which moves me into the FAITH part. if i can accept that all of this is as it is meant to be, than just keep moving forward and let my HIGHER POWER continue to provide what i need and finally have the HOPE that no matter what happens i will get what i need to, today. that does not mean the code i am writing will suddenly mysteriously appear on my computer, but if i start writing it, it may just work and be just what my customer ordered.
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!?!?!?!?
so the time to move forward has come. all I can do is the next right thing and see what happens, and right now it is time to shower off yesterday and move on with my day!
well it is a good thing i chose not to listen to my inner critic on this issue, else who knows where i would be today. certainly not sitting in front of a computer blithely musing about the ups and downs about one addict‘s journey up the path of recovery. so here i sit thinking about HOPE, DISASTER, ACCEPTENCE, and FAITH because that is what came up for me as i read the reading.
disaster because i am AFRAID of being found out for a fraud. somehow my recovery is all a sham and that i am doomed to the prophecy that the Cassandra named brandi sentenced me to all those days ago, when i forced into treatment. namely that the best i can ever HOPE for was longer and longer periods of abstinence followed be briefer and briefer periods of relapses. the part of me that wants to use loves that line of thought, after all i have over three thousand days since my last use.
ACCEPTENCE, because i have a fear or two working in my life today -- fear of failing with my new client because i am not coming up to speed fast enough. fear of success because i am good enough and will be making more money than i ever have in my entire life. and accepting that somehow in the whole scheme of things, this is exactly where i am supposed to be and just let go.
which moves me into the FAITH part. if i can accept that all of this is as it is meant to be, than just keep moving forward and let my HIGHER POWER continue to provide what i need and finally have the HOPE that no matter what happens i will get what i need to, today. that does not mean the code i am writing will suddenly mysteriously appear on my computer, but if i start writing it, it may just work and be just what my customer ordered.
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!?!?!?!?
so the time to move forward has come. all I can do is the next right thing and see what happens, and right now it is time to shower off yesterday and move on with my day!
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
∞ accepting what comes ∞ 241 words ➥ Wednesday, March 30, 2005 by: donnot↔ but no matter what occurs in my recovery i need not despair ↔ 508 words ➥ Friday, March 30, 2007 by: donnot
∞ what a glorious thing to have hope! before coming to the fellowship … 398 words ➥ Sunday, March 30, 2008 by: donnot
∞ **gradually, we become more God-centered.** as i rely more and more on the strength … 556 words ➥ Monday, March 30, 2009 by: donnot
∴ abstinence is no guarantee that life will always go my way ∴ 622 words ➥ Tuesday, March 30, 2010 by: donnot
‡ gradually, as i become more HIGHER POWER centered than ‡ 576 words ➥ Wednesday, March 30, 2011 by: donnot
– i will rely on my the POWER THAT FUELS MY RECOVERY – 686 words ➥ Friday, March 30, 2012 by: donnot
† i lived a life of utter hopelessness and had come to believe † 454 words ➥ Saturday, March 30, 2013 by: donnot
‰ many members speak of being on a **pink cloud** ‰ 599 words ➥ Sunday, March 30, 2014 by: donnot
θ before coming to this fellowship, θ 828 words ➥ Monday, March 30, 2015 by: donnot
☯ GOD - Centeredness ☯ 669 words ➥ Wednesday, March 30, 2016 by: donnot
☯ abstinence is ☯ 648 words ➥ Thursday, March 30, 2017 by: donnot
🌊 i certainly believed 🌄 765 words ➥ Friday, March 30, 2018 by: donnot
🌧 a life of 🌤 493 words ➥ Saturday, March 30, 2019 by: donnot
🌁 ** a pink cloud ** 🌌 591 words ➥ Monday, March 30, 2020 by: donnot
🌧 having hope 🌨 505 words ➥ Tuesday, March 30, 2021 by: donnot
🌬 life happens 🍃 470 words ➥ Wednesday, March 30, 2022 by: donnot
👌 putting WE 👌 542 words ➥ Thursday, March 30, 2023 by: donnot
🌊 serving my fellowship 🌊 326 words ➥ Saturday, March 30, 2024 by: donnot
☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 1
2) Music and dainties will make the passing guest stop (for a time).
But though the Tao as it comes from the mouth, seems insipid and has
no flavour, though it seems not worth being looked at or listened
to, the use of it is inexhaustible.